Choosing Margin

Sunday, February 17, 2019

Made it to Alaska to see the Bestie celebrate her 30th and to cross it off my list! 8 USA states left to visit!

"Outside of my career, I only love xyz"...this was such a common phrase for me for so long. For years, I kept saying I could only love a few things outside of my career, because my career took the biggest space in my life for so long. I hid behind it, like most ambitious (and insecure/haven't dealt with their ish) people do. As many (not all) are too scared to see if we could be good at anything else. That we could be capable of having lives that we do not feel we need to work to deserve.

Let me tell you, this is the season I've been needing for years, but finally chose to take. 2019 is a year of Rest, Roots, and Progress, and I have been practicing since December. At first it felt weird. Numerous times a week, I would tell home team member and roommate - "I feel so off...I want to rush and do 1,000 things to feel 'normal'"....and she would say, it's the shock to your system of leaving a career of stress, emotional emergencies, and high risks behind...Welcome to life, enjoy it.

And it's true. Nobody is going to force you to rest. No one is going to force you to stop valuing your humanity and self through money and achievement.

It's been such a humbling year, and now that I have 7 months of hindsight of what I was doing to my body, my brain, my heart, my relationships...I can't imagine going back to a life where I am constantly running myself into the ground.

I went from having 0 weekends free for 4 months, to leaving weekends free on on purpose. For the first time in probably ever, I can hear and see things without worry of "Am I doing / being enough". I just know I am enough. I am good enough, doing enough, being enough. And my enough may be a different measure to someone else's enough...and that is 100% okay.

Over the years, my career took precedent over literally everything. I missed my brother's wedding. My nephew's birth. My friend's funeral...All for work...for work I don't even remember, for days I can't even get back.

And this year, I've cancelled workshop after workshop. Even removed myself from a keynote speaker list to officiate another friend's wedding in May. I've declined projects to go to concerts and to attend birthdays and welcome visitors to my home. I've made time for family and the few friends I've made in Seattle.

These days, I am choosing margin. Thank God for home team members that have been blessed with words. KD, thank you for giving my current life chapter a title. I'm choosing margin. Choosing simple. Choosing little. Choosing what I do intentionally, and what I just don't care about, and not feeling guilty about it. I even started telling people who call me in crisis mode that they can set up an appointment with me through my side hustle business. I charge people for emotional labor - I am not your counselor, the person to solve your own issues, and I am definitely not your idea generator because you're too lazy to do the work yourself.

This season, I've enjoyed long drives. Walks. Reading. Writing. Attempting to learn Spanish. My work, but not the point of obsession. I enjoy sleep and water. I love, or try to love the growing pains of my home team and what it means to connect with the people we are today, not the people we were 6 mos ago or even 16 years ago for some.

Because I was "too busy" in my career, my bestie from high school / college has lived in Alaska for 7 years, and I had not visited her once, even though she has visited me twice in California. For her birthday 2 weeks ago, I made it up there. To see her home, the people who make her feel at home, and to meet my nephew kitty. I know I won't forget that trip, but that's a different post for a year when our parents won't read this blog - HA!

I just am enjoying the slowness of life.

My aunt, my friends, my family...said it's the happiest they've ever seen me and the wisest I've ever been.

And even though I am about to turn into another chapter of "busy", it's comforting to know I have a baseline of when I am leaving the margins of what I have chosen for this season.

Slow, steady, and kind. Here is to have Chosen Margin & to keep choosing it.

Open Floor Plan

Thursday, December 27, 2018

San Francisco - Spring 2018

This morning, I looked at my half full closet and 80% occupied dresser...with much space for more stuff...but also feeling like I don't even need all the space I have. A sweet reminder of how much space I've created for the unexpected and how stuff really doesn't make me any happier.

2018 has been more than enough for me, and this is how it has shown up...

I am thriving in my own skin. I listen to my body, and I am learning to rest.

I am loving God and faith without constraints of what it should look like.

Writing. I've had so much time to write and blog, and co-blog with beloveds.

Continuing sacred's and rituals - cousin facetimes, bestie birthdays, 3rd of July reunions, pageants over Thanksgiving, 4th annual Giants game, and a yearly hello email to all my former student leaders and teams.

Co working dates, daily starbucks runs, and new happy hour spots.

Got to officiate my besties' wedding; Saw Drake in concert; Traveled to Mexico City.

Hosted 26 visitors between San Francisco and WA.

Walked through the streets of San Francisco after a rowdy rooftop bar night.

Went go carting on the gravel roads passing through my family's acres on a warm July evening.

Felt the worn out moving boxes holding my belongings that are mostly gifts and the art I feel connected to.

And with who I've become and what I've done, this is where it has left me into 2019;

I miss driving on the Bay bridge into San Francisco at night. The lights were bright enough to reflect off the water and warm enough to make me feel at home.

But the green and precipitation of the Seattle sound is enough to nourish my soul, and I know I'm blooming in a season of what feels like starting over, but really it's just a continuation.

Love really does exist.

I also learned what it meant to let go of someone you have love for because that's what that person really needs...and also hoping the absolute best for them.

I like my grey hairs and wrinkles around my eyes, and the stretch marks on my thighs. It shows a well lived body participating in the life in front of me.

My smile feels so real; My heart is a direct line to my smile.

Getting to see the fridge with my loved ones holiday cards on it - each one of them drenched in memories.

I like moons, flowers, reading books that I bought so long ago, but never had the capacity to indulge in. I love celebrating. I like cheering people on. I love all the things that make others feel good about themselves.

I'm operating this next chapter of life like an open floor plan.

My family is healthy, strong, and very happy. That's probably the highlight of this all.

Experiences over things.
Presence over presents.
Humanity over perfection.

& Turning 30 this year, and I feel like life is just getting started!

South Dakota - Summer 2018
Seattle - Winter 2018

Jayme Alexis LLC - In Review 2018

Sunday, December 23, 2018


No matter what you saw on social media...transitioning a business to a different state and retaining clientele that are willing to do virtual communication over face to face was a major loss for me in motivation and in income...Let alone re-building a network of locals I could connect with about our specialized niches - I am still going through the growing pains of this process. I also hired an advisor to help me with the transition, because well, just like the 10 free growth strategies post, I knew I couldn't do it alone.

But today, I'd like to report that today's tears were happy tears, because despite starting over, I had a reminder tonight when my last client for 2018 texted me their job offer to a respected silicon valley tech company (Zuora)! They were one of the athletes transitioning to civilian life, and I couldn't be more proud of them! I needed to be reminded that no matter how rough this transition has been in many areas of my life, one of my favorite things is celebrating other people's wins, especially ones I'm working with!

And as I am learning to share more about me and what I do, instead of giving vague, awkward statements about higher ed, my side hustle, and what not, I thought I'd do a re-cap of client celebrations in 2018!

I feel very honored, and positively overwhelmed tonight getting the opportunity to celebrate these incredible people:

*indicates volunteer/partner/sponsor role & due to client confidentiality, you may inbox me for details, but unfortunately cannot give out identity details unless given permission.

  • Coached 2 side hustlers that made their side hustle come to real life
  • Coached 4 athletes transitioning from D1 sports to civilian life
  • Coached 1 semi pro league athlete transitioning careers; including a player rights agreement
  • Coached 3 clients in career changes; consultations and resume/cover letter make overs 
  • Coached 4 pageant titleholders in interview prep work (All 4 placed in top 5, including 1 divisional winner in ANTSO and 1 winner winning a full scholarship to Virginia State University)
  • Advised 1 pageant titleholder transitioning into a full time career while remaining a Miss titleholder for a major system
  • Recruited pageant judges for 3 MAO locals*, 2 TEEN USA state pageants, AP Nationals*, AEM Nationals*, 2 NAM state pageants, & 1 INTL Jr Miss state pageant, SUNBURST
  • Advised 1 fashion designer for committee assembly & line production
  • Coached 1 fashion journalist in a 2018 journalism contest - received job at TEEN Vogue
  • Advised 1 non profit board about values and diversity; Hired their college ambassadors 
  • Advised mayoral candidate and College President on talking points of college graduation attainment through career options in their city and state post graduation*
  • Advised 1 start up CEO on talking points of K-12 to higher ed pipeline
  • Advised 2 non profit board/CEOs on talking points of K-12 to higher ed pipeline
  • Advisor in Seattle Fashion Week - Hiring of production staff; Selection committee of fashion designers and runway production teams 
And what's not listed, but should get credit, is that there were over 50...yes OVER 50 people I referred to OTHER people. Because I know what I am good at, and areas I am not talented in...and I know some clients will be better serviced with a different company or person. I refuse to collect $ in areas I am not experienced in or will not assist in the intended results of a potential client.

Which is why I've been working on a referral directory for my clients. If you have a service you think could benefit the type of clientele I serve, please email me your information at info@jaymealexis.com, and we can connect on the details!

I like living in a world where we are all living lives we really love. Lives that we don't have to water down, lives that are as real in reality as they are on social media. Lives we aren't constantly branding because they are so authentically us. 

That is a wish for myself, for my loved ones, and for every client I work with. 



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