Relationship status shaming

Thursday, October 29, 2015


Garden of the gods - Colorado Springs, CO


Once Halloween ends, it seems like we are in a race against the holidays. Gift shopping, making plans to see loved ones, and figuring out how to celebrate a new year. Let's face it, 2015 is wrapping up and although I am one to get a little too excited about the holidays, it's also the season of evaluating your romantic relationship status. While several people who have a significant other are focusing on where they will spend the holidays meaning which family do they see or split time with, I'm in the relationship camp where I'm working on what kind of answers do I give when I have to answer the most dreaded single person question... "Are you seeing somebody?"....Sometimes I want to be like, seeing who? A counselor? My family?...Just to confuse people into thinking I didn't actually understand the question, this usually leads to an awkward reply, No, I'm not. I'm single. Which always leads to a surprising reaction of sadness or pity from the other person.

I've always been confused by that reaction. Since when does single mean being sad? Don't worry, this isn't one of those, Why being single is so great posts. I think that whatever your relationship status there will be something great about your life. What concerns me most is the relationship status shaming that goes on from both sides of the relationship spectrum. Being single, I am not single because I don't want a husband or to have a family. I desire those things, eventually, when I'm ready for them. My singleness isn't a disease or sickness looking to be cured.  I am content creating my own lifestyle on my own terms and in my own way. It's not meant for everybody, but it's meant for me in the season of life I'm in.

Breaking up this serious post with my cutie pie nephew photo

But let's not forget how great us single folks are at shaming those in relationships. Making our friends feel guilty for not hanging out with us as much because our friends have a significant other. We end up saying things like "If we were in a relationship I would never do this, this and that"...well guess what? We single folks aren't in a relationship, can we actually make that judgement rationally? Probably not. Or even worse - we look at our married friends with or without children and think they "settled" or that they got married too soon and didn't fully experience life. Which is absolutely absurd. Most of my friends married (or taken) with or without children are living their dream life and they are doing everything they wanted to do as an individual, but they are living life alongside their best friend in the process. How magical is that?!

And what about those in between? Single parents? Or parents who wish to have children, but can't have them? Or those separated or divorcing? What about everybody else that falls in the middle of the spectrum? Are we all going to shame each other because of our relationship status? I sure hope not. 

Let's be grateful for every person in every life path regardless of their relationship status. As a single person, my worth is more than my relationship status and my loved ones who are married or taken are more than just theirs as well.

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