Be your own negotiator

Thursday, June 30, 2016

People comment that I am busy. I always say, no my life is full. You can read why I say full instead of busy: BUSY IS A SICKNESS. A mentor told me we are constantly negotiating. We negotiate our relationships, goals, priorities, values, and so forth.

And because I love to say yes to TOO many things because I love so many people and projects, I have to negotiate my year, ahead of time.

Last week, some of my friends and I sat on Google plus at midnight my time and did some early life negotiation brainstorming. So, hopefully this is helpful for you too and chances are if you're still reading, it is because you need to negotiate.

I won't go into what I'm dreaming up for this next year, but I will show you how I negotiated this past year.

Home team:
WHO is your home team/tribe/squad? What relationships take precedent this year?
It sounds gross to write down your most important relationships, but for me, it's a visual of who I should be intentional about reaching out to. Every person's home team is different. I tend to have about 8-12 people on my home team. Some years I've had 4 and some I'd have closer to 20.

These are short (3 mos to 5 years) and long term goals (5 years and beyond). Finances. Family. Career. Etc. They should be measurable or it should have a feeling associated to the goal like success, respect, joy, freedom, etc.

DAILY, what is important to you? These are little things you do every day to work yourself up to the big picture.
A goal of mine was that I pray every day. So, I make room every single day to pray and write down prayers of family and friends. Sounds simple, but I stick to it because at the end of the year, I want to feel I have had a fruitful prayer life centered around those I care about!
Your priorities, if done consistently will achieve your goals. Both long term and short term.

FOCUSES ON ENERGY AND PRESENCE. How do you see yourself living your life? Are you focused? Carefree? Loving?
This past year, it was important I lived my year in peace despite needing some "quick" answers to some of my bigger life questions.

Skydiving. Zip lining. So many concerts each year. Farmers markets. These are less occurring experiences, maybe 1-2 turns into a hobby. But these are experiences because they will give you thrills. If you plan to make these experiences regular, they won't be thrills to you. They are a hobby.

Once you've finished editing your list, it's time to start adding these into your calendar. Maybe you are go with the flow. I think I'm both, I love to plan ahead, but knowing everything doesn't work out the way it is suppose to. But for me, what is the point in negotiating what's important to you and not following through? So, get organized, schedule things in advance that can be.

...this is A LOT of information. So, I pick a few to focus on and if I happen to work on all the others, great. If not, I won't beat myself up. Granted, I am still working on this as I WANT TO DO EVERYTHING.

So, hopefully this is helpful for you. This list doesn't happen in one hour at a coffee shop or out in nature. This takes awhile to craft and will evolve throughout the year.

So, start somewhere and stay consistent with it. Life is never perfect because people aren't. So, start negotiating the life you want and everything else will fall into place even if it's not the place you expect it to.

The Home Team vs the Home Crowd

Monday, June 6, 2016

The Home Team. Also, known as your crew, squad, tribe, village, however you want to name the group of people who you reciprocally participate in each other's lives.

Each year, I evaluate the home team. Who is on it? Who needs to be benched, transferred, moved, or added? Why are they there? Was I a good person/friend to them and them to me?

And each year it has gotten more difficult to determine. Not necessarily if someone belongs on my home team, but rather, am I working on my relationships with my home team or am I too busy trying to impress the home crowd?

I've been thinking a lot about the home crowd and how it's easy to confuse the home crowd with the home team. The home crowd is very present in your life. You may actually spend more minutes with the home crowd, but the content within the minutes is what differentiates if someone is on your home team or the home crowd. 

I mean, I love the home crowd. 

They are your cheerleaders when you need a celebration or a pick-me-up. The home crowd is fun, convenient, and at times, seasonal. They make you feel important, after all they are rooting for you - the good side they see of you or I should say, the only side you decide to expose to them. 

So, in the last couple of years, I've been consciously working on being a better home team member. Creating time, prioritizing, and ensuring that the home team gets appreciated before I even acknowledge the home crowd. 

Because the home team? They experience the real you. They are the ones you share way too much about yourself and experience your wrath after a bad day, but care for you anyway. They are the ones who will sass you to your face, but sing your praises behind your back. They are your go-to's, the ones you can reach out to at any point of the day and no matter what still support you - even if they want to throat punch you for being stupid...I mean that never happens ;)

Life has been more peaceful learning to appreciate the home crowd while honoring the home team first.

Who do you root for?
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