How do I make friends as an 'adult'

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Muir Woods: August 2016

I was asked to do a presentation last week on how to make friends after college aka how to make friends as an ‘adult’.

If there is anything I have ever felt under qualified to do, this was it. I’m positive I’d have a better shot at the RIO Olympics, than this topic. Sadly, that comment isn't too dramatic, both options are equal in their result :p

Out of ALL the topics of conversation I have had, recent graduates always talk the most about making friends as an adult. This comes up more than love, job searching, fulfillment, and finances!

Here is the list I have been compiling from people ages 22-late 60’s on how / where to meet friends as an adult. 

Where: Top answers include..

  • Gym
  • Church
  • Dating Apps
  • Work
  • Classes – painting, crafts, academic, etc.
  • Volunteer
  • Commuting 
  • Shopping
  • Concerts
  • Bars
  • Anywhere! Be surprised! By Chance!
After 2 ubers and lyfts, 1 to the wrong address, 1 that took 60 minutes to get across town, I finally arrived to meet my friend. It amazes me I am able to keep any friends.

How / Advice: You are no longer in environments that foster microwave friendships. College, Basketball team, youth group, just about anything in young adulthood, it is easy to make friends because you're forced to be around the same group of people for decades. Now you have to put in effort and make decisions, like the other big decisions in your life. Here were the main themes from those I had been gathering information from:

  • Be consistent in reaching out to others
  • Picking your friends in this stage is just as important if you were picking a spouse. So, don’t put up with liars, gossipers, or anyone that you’d never date. (That works the other way around too)
  • Schedule ahead your friend time
  • Set expectations. < - That was from an Educator ;)
  • Don't have unrealistic expectations
  • Don’t get discouraged if someone says no
  • New friends does not mean they will be like your best takes time
  • Don’t settle
  • If you can’t brag about who they are to others…you probably shouldn’t be friends with them
  • Everyone gets so busy doing their own thing you almost have to find something you both enjoy and is part of your lives to make it work in real life schedules
  • Find like-minded people
  • According to my friend of 16 years, you just start talking to people at coffee shops saying how you don't know anyone and need a friend
  • Don’t be afraid to ask people who intimate you to lunch
  • It's a lot like dating, you have to put yourself out there and let people know you love hanging out with them
  • You run the risk of wanting to be friends with someone who doesn't want to be friends back...and someone may want to be friends with you and you don't want to be friends with them
  • Be intentional
  • You connect when you're coming to terms with someone, same place in life, but you have to make it a point to actually hang out or spend time or you grow apart

This translates into every person is different. What works for one person, doesn't work for the other. You also have to factor in that our generation does not sit behind a desk most of the time. We are on the go, mobile, and traveling. Timing, income, and scheduling play into making friends. Not many of us have it actually figured out, at all.

-----My people------

I also wanted to include the lines I did NOT use in the presentation. These were really special….All from my home team…which quickly made me realize why we are all friends and the reason they were the LAST people I asked on how /where to meet friends as an adult…

“Oh girl. I don’t make friends”
“Ew, people”
“Why would you want to do that”
“hahahah you are asking the wrong person”
“I have my dog”
“I don’t”
"Go to things?"
“Do drugs and drink” <- I really can’t with that answer

Dating in San Francisco: Modern Day Dating

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

I've been meaning to write a dating post...

But it's far too embarrassing and until I get permission from former datee's or remove them from my social media, I didn't want to venture "there".

This incident though, is further removed.

My life. Some times. The things that happen. I cannot run into someone who doesn't know someone who doesn't know something horribly embarrassing about me.

So last Monday. Typical Monday. I was meeting a friend and the first few places we tried, were not working out for us.

After walking all over the city, I decided to use UBER - carpool. All of a sudden, a guy hops in the front and turns around and says my name! I was like UMMM WHO ARE YOU?!?!

Turns out, I matched with him on an online dating app and never messaged him back....Awkward. Talk about the LONGEST 3 blocks of my life riding in uber with this stranger. I was so mortified I ran out of the car and bolted across the street where I almost got ran over by a prius.

And I'm not sure about you, but when I think of my "this is how it ends"'s not by ummm, a prius.

A preview to modern dating in San Francisco.
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