2016: Going After Everything I've Ever Wanted
Thursday, September 22, 2016
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| The Painted Ladies in San Francisco |
That whole you are the
books you read, the company you keep, the films you watch – so, very
accurate. So, I am citing all the concepts it took to write this post. Because these
are not just a bunch of words, these are themes that have evolved in time.
-
Two of my closest friends and I had just brought in the new
year in historical Deadwood. As we were walking back to the pick-up, our boots
clicking on the cobblestone, snow was quietly falling around us - I knew this
year was going to be, interesting. But not in the cliché, new year, new me. Interesting in a way that I didn’t attempt to journal
about any of my predictions for the year, let alone post about it.
And before this year is ending, the first 9 mos have been
some of the most instructive months that have ever existed to me. I had been commenting that
2016 is the year I can’t pretend, but ultimately it has been the year that I went after
everything I’ve ever wanted.
This is a season where I felt everything I had been
learning, deciding, figuring, adding, removing, have all have led up to a
moment, and this is that exact moment:
My life IS congruent.
Congruent in values. Congruent in desires. Congruent
spiritually. Congruent. All, encompassing, congruent.
Not in a perfect way, but in a way I can say, well done.
Starting off the year leaving a job I loved, in a place
where I had community, with people who I cared deeply about, was NOT on my
things to do 6 weeks into 2016.
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| Mission District in San Francisco |
But in exchange for the present.
I live in a city I adore. I’m in jobs / a career I respect.
And not just jobs / a career, but the types of work and with schedules that fit
my needs. (Big Magic)
I am surviving financially in the most expensive city in the U.S. (Yes,
we cost more here in the Bay than Manhattan).
I went after the relationships I wanted.
I learned to accept the types love I wanted and removed the
relationships that didn’t meet that love.
I went after God’s love, even though God gives it without me
chasing it.
I have embraced the spiritual life I feel connected to.
I went after my own self love and care - This radical
notion, that I am a human who deserves as much as I give to those / things around
me…and refused to be run into the ground in the name of productivity, busyness,
and “achievement”. (Present Over Perfect)
Sometimes this felt
like removing leeches from my skin. But, so. Worth. It.
Rip relation-shits off like a band-aid my friends! (Post Male Syndrome Blog)
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| Pacifica, CA on Pacific Coast Highway 1 |
And it didn’t just happen, I chose it. But just because I
chose it, doesn’t mean any of the above happened at the time I thought it should.
I even go after the products and things like jewelry
that satisfy me.
And I don’t mean in the materialistic way. Although I’ve
always had a sentimental strong hold with jewelry, I still emptied most of my
jewelry box, only keeping significant pieces.
Having less materialistic options each day - which actually
meant getting rid of the materials I saved for a “special” occasion…at this
point in my life, what is a special occasion? (CEO Business Insider)
Every day is a special
occasion. (Cold Tangerines)
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| Recent Trip to Chicago |
This season has been
about fighting for what I want in my life. Going after every piece, prayer,
person, and thing that I’ve ever wanted. And yes, that comes with sacrifices.
Maybe in the last 9 mos, I was less hospitable. Maybe it meant I listened to others lives less.
Maybe it meant less of an impact than I’d normally like to make. Maybe this
meant living with less people in my life. Less clutter. 9 mos out of the
hopeful 75+ years I’ll live - I’d make those sacrifices again if I had to redo
2016.
I’ve never felt more healed. More myself. More relaxed.
And if I’m being real – this is the LEAST lonely I’ve ever
felt.
I know this season isn’t forever. It’s temporary, with a
short time stamp until I get back to what I know I’m meant to be doing in
longer spurts.
Because goals change. Values evolve. Times move forward, and so will my life and how I see the congruence interwoven.
So 2016 - the year of going after everything, even if I turn
up with nothing to physically show.
To the girl with the adventurous heart
Saturday, September 17, 2016
I'm curious.
I ask questions.
I seek, explore, learn, absorb.
I want more.
I don't settle.
I move on.
I like adventure.
I say yes to what I want.
I say no to what's not necessary.
And some times I think all of this gets me in trouble, choosing to be elusive.
Scared of commitment, roots, and the idea of staying.
Because I know the destruction that is possible.
To leave someone or something a wreck.
Not fulfilling promises, vows, and the word is my bond.
I can't help but be anything, but a girl with an adventurous heart;
Thrills fill my heart.
Experiences fill my soul.
Places fill my sense of belonging.
A connection to life, so deep, physical feels spiritual.
I am a girl with an adventurous heart.
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