Miracles

Saturday, November 19, 2016

San Francisco Skyline
2016 is a year I clearly can't shut up about, and the year is closing in quickly and although I don't believe in resolutions, I do believe in themes.

And as much as I keep talking about how this year was about discovery, entering a new era, fighting for everything I've always wanted, choosing me, accepting how I connect to God, good relationships, and a multitude of new chapters...

This year was also about remembering how to kick ass. Showing up when I know I may get nothing in return. About overcoming shame. Putting myself back out there. Forgiveness.

This year was about constant change and transition - I'm in my 3rd job for the year...and the year isn't even finished. I almost returned to my life of civic engagement, but ended up saying no to working with the Clinton Presidential Campaign in a state that was a swing state that actually went Republican. I said no, because ultimately...I'm deciding to stay in San Francisco...which is another post for a different day.

I went from living in an ocean town where I had a strong community to working down town of San Francisco with artists and Fashion designers back to a traditional university setting in a camp counselor type of role working with foster youth, science and technology students, and first year freshmen. I went from having my own apartment 1 mile from the beach to sleeping on a twin bed, renting a room in a family's home that didn't speak English back to my own apartment 2 miles from the beach. And as most people in my age of life rather not live in constant transition, uproot, change, and the insecurity of not knowing where you're sleeping in a few mos OR having to sleep on a twin bed at 27...I wouldn't want it any other way.

And most importantly, this was a year I let my humanity show. I don't tell people, "I'm good", when they ask how I am and I'm actually not doing well. I invite people into my home when it is messy, dishes are not put away, I'm still half unpacked, I don't even have enough real cups at this point for more than 3 people, and I barely have anything to offer but my presence.

After a complete break down this week due to managing crisis all day and night at work, a student told me, "I like it better when you're broken"...and taken aback by that, I told her, me too. I knew exactly what she meant by that.

This is the year, I actually have asked for helped. Asked others to show up for me. Allowed myself to be disappointed with the people I expected to show up, but didn't.

And yet, I still believe this has been the year I prayed for.

 I filled my journal up this year, and like my favorite book, I want to take it out and read it from time to time to remind myself that miracles actually exist.

2016, you've been nothing short of a miracle.
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