Convincing, pitching, or selling something...Seems like that has been a trend for me the last, uhhh 28 years of my life.

And it is consuming of my time, talent, and treasure.

It's like I am always auditioning for a role that has been given to me at birth - my life. And, as I learn  auditioning is rooted in measurement, comparison, and not quite good enough, I've had to take a few moments this year and exit stage left.

Over the last year, I had read:

Donald Miller - Scary close, dropping the act
Shauna Niequist - Present over perfect

Both books talked about ending the facade in exchange for intimacy. Which in theory, I loved. Small talk isn't my thing, and I've always been very serious or extremely silly, and not much in between. But applying that message?...Well, that's been a trial and error x error x 100.

Giving up the need to audition for my own life, also meant living honestly, and although freeing to be unapologetic of who I am, is also exhausting...Because in our world, we are not conditioned to live honestly. We are conditioned to cover up, polish, and show our highlight reel, when some times not even my highlight reel is what I feel connected to.
But I do feel freer. I do think more clearly. I make better decisions. I disappoint people, rather than disappoint myself. I take better care of who I am as a whole person.

So things have been much better off stage, and even though I am not quite done auditioning, it feels good to put down the sales pitch in exchange for feeling connected to my own world.