Dating in San Francisco: The Ex Porn Star

Sunday, June 18, 2017

I posted about Modern Day Dating and Stranger Danger  in my last 2 dating stories, and I figured now that a year has passed, this story was safe to post.

I was sitting at this restaurant and my date was an hour late. If I wasn't hungry, I would have left because nobody disrespects my free time! Especially a first time date.

So, my date arrives all inked up, which I personally do not care, but that was not visible in his photos on Bumble. Trying to be a good date and ask questions, I asked him what this particular tattoo meant...I mean, it was a sword through a woman's face...and that was one of the less abrasive tattoos he had.

He said, "One day I dreamed about it. Drew it when I woke up, then got it tattooed...but don't worry I don't stab women in the face!"....AWKWARD LAUGH. UHHH OKAY. I am SO glad you don't stab women in the face.

So, now that we are on that page, we got into talking about past lives. He was in a metal band for years and I was exchanging road trips and tiara stories from my youth.

Then he started talking about how he used to do porn, but then he got burned out. Honestly however people want to make an income is up to them - no judgement.

Then, he started saying..."Yeah it got really weird with my Dad being the Director"...OH...OKAY. GREAT. So this was a family business!?

Again, no judgement, but this guy was an hour late, dreams of swords through women's faces, now porn is a family business, and he talked the entire time and never asked me 1 question. Not to mention he kept mentioning how he loves Asians...

Yeah.

So, I went to the restroom and called my friend A. I said literally drop everything you're doing and pick me up.

Inked metal ex porn star did not get a second date from me. But it sure does make for a very good story.

Welcome to dating, in San Francisco.

Pause

Saturday, June 17, 2017



Every time I open my calendar why does it look like something blew up?

Pausing - For an intervention, for myself, and for all my fully living, but also too "busy" for spontaneous people out there. The hustlers, dreamers, grinders, all the ones who are scaling, expanding, and creating.

This is for you too.

Every 2-3 mos I get to this point of the following symptoms:

  • I am over committed by 2-3 events overlapping each day or weekend
  • Cancel and re-schedule are 2 of my favorite vocab words and verbs…
  • I feel involved, but not connected
  • All of a sudden I am a 100% introvert who doesn’t want to see another human being
  • Chronic fevers and constantly tired

My excuses to justify this way of living are that I won’t have a phase in my life ever again where I will have the kind of free time I do and the ability to go and do whatever and wherever, whenever.

But just because I have the time and capacity to go into overload, in fear that I won’t experience these things, is the worst excuse.

And all it does is infuriate those around me. When all my home team wants is a whole and present me that exudes all the peace. The kind of peace that I always tell people to follow.

So here is to pausing. Reminding myself what I am capable of is not what is in my capacity.

Stopping and remaking my life from the inside out, again - and bringing out my this is what I don't do list...Yes, I actually made a this is what I don't do list, which is a post for another day.

A serious shout out to my home team this week. Who have braved some difficult conversations with me. Who have called me in when I won’t reign it in.


So here I am this week in all my mess, pausing. Anyone else with me?

Thought buffet

Wednesday, June 14, 2017


Expressing to K & B today how I don't feel inspired and I am so unmotivated to wake up every day and do what needs to be done, or even be creative when that's my go to for motivation.

And by the end of today, I actually have it in me to write a real post. Props to the home team today for serving me some gratitude pie and a mirror to remind me what this year is about.

And this is why I love the home team - the people who can speak to things in your life when you can't recognize the changes that have occurred. The people who can say, "a year ago you wouldn't have made that decision for yourself."

Usually, I write for myself and post for others to resonate, but this post is for me.


My thought buffet from today's conversations -

I have been informed that I am attracted to people who also make healthy decisions.

That I am discovering it is okay if your love life, career, family, hobbies, faith, etc. are never all on the same page, and how fortunate it is to have 1 of those that's fully functioning.

In love, I do not believe in "the one", that I believe in many one's and I just prefer one person over the other.

I am my own best companion.

I'm learning to stay - I've had a close friend a month move, and this month I'll have 4 people that will leave my life here in SF...and yet, I am choosing to stay.

To not associate dissolving of relationships as losing or failure. When all we've done is create a life to win - win contests, win a job, win over others. Well I'm learning we aren't meant to "win" everything.

Conversations with people have been less about the best job, the best this, and the best that....and we are talking about what's best for us, what will bring us PEACE?

I'd choose peace over the societal upkeep any day, any time.

There is no such thing as a timeline for learning a new skill, marriage, kids, relationships, school, jobs, traveling, or anything.

I may not have much to tangibly show for 2017, but it's been one of the healthiest years of my life. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially, intellectually...

And healthy hasn't meant easy or happy. It's also meant painful and soul crushing.

But it's been healthy - being where I need to be and going where I'd like to go.



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