Dating Younger Men

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Precursor: This is written from a hetero/gender normative viewpoint which is my life narrative, but I do believe it is applicable to all folks.


This post has been in my notebook for some time. It’s no secret on my home team that I date younger. I’m not talking 1-2 years younger. I’m talking about 4-6 years younger….and at one point this year 7 years younger.


And when you live in a society constructed with social norms that as a woman your love life is dictated by your biological clock, which at times means ideally dating older or the same age...it can be a little stressful.


And I will admit that today and in recent times when I’ve dated guys 5 years younger than me, I’ve often caught myself saying… “But he is SO young” “I look SO much older than him” “What if people think I’m his big sister...or his MOM”...Oh it’s bad.


Insecurities run rampant. But the truth is, I do look older, because I am older...and I am learning to be ok with that.


Because you can be a 40 year old man dating a 25 year old woman and no one bats an eye. But when you’re a woman older than 25 dating a younger man...people have all the opinions in the world.


Call it being a cougar. Call it robbing the cradle. Call it whatever you’d like. But dating younger, I’ve had much healthier relationships than dating men my own age or older. This isn’t ALWAYS the case, but this has been my personal and general experience.


So, I compiled the main reasons I’ve enjoyed dating younger the last few years:

I have a youthful energy and heart...and it is easier to make a younger guy have mature moments and conversations than it is to have an older guy set in his ways view my energy as who I am rather than not being "mature" or "serious" enough.


They respect my world doesn’t revolve around them. That I have my own life, my own friends, my own bank account, my own goals. He is part of my life, but not the center of it.


They don’t find any of the above as competition, or feel inferior or feel "less of a man"...


Younger guys brag to their friends about me, but not only in physical terms, most often it has been about, "She is so great at xyz"...and it is so refreshing to hear they're proud of me rather than intimidated.


They typically haven’t lost their soul on the corporate climb or their ethics to the dollar sign.


They also want to go stargazing with me at 1am...and yes, they also still have jobs to be at by 8am.


And they also want to stay in and drink wine and maybe later hit the bars with our friends.


Most are still less jaded about life. They offer a fresh perspective into my own life. They also make sure I am taking care of my whole self and prioritizing my needs after taking care of others. I’ve actually found me being less of a “mother figure” like people think it would be like when dating younger men...and I’ve been viewed as more of an equal partner.


And just because they're younger doesn’t mean they aren’t ready to “settle down” or not be committed or be a Dad some day….Actually most of the younger men I’ve dated want ALL of those things.


I find that many of the stereotypes of dating younger men...aren’t true, and something I’ve really learned is that age doesn’t mean much...but character does. You can be 33 or 23, but that doesn’t determine if you’re a good significant other or will treat your partner with care and love.

So...this post was probably more for me today than others, but accepting that I like, date, and some times just prefer dating younger.

Role Modeling & Self-Care

Tuesday, November 7, 2017


Role modeling and Self-Care…

Both are almost an over-used, watered down sentiment that we use every chance we get.

And so many years later, so people have really shaped my idea on self-care and role modeling that I could write a separate post per person each day for the rest of the year - grateful for people who let me know some hard truths when I need to hear it.

Today's post was written mostly from my lens as a woman. Because we have different struggles. Different expectations. Different truths. Different narratives when it comes to role modeling and self-care.

I’m still learning and it’s really hard to role model and practice self-care, especially in the type of career I'm in - essentially a 24.7 camp counselor…it's hard to practice until students start to tell me they’re worried about me. Or that I don’t take enough time for myself. Or that they are genuinely concerned about my well-being.

And then I realize the awful habits I am teaching them. The habits that have ultimately made me miss weddings, baby showers, birthdays, funerals, impromptu dinners, dates, phone calls and the like.

And that is not something I want to teach my students. That is not something I want to teach my clients, friends, coworkers, or family.

It’s something I want to UN-learn myself.

And in the last 1-2 years, I have taken better measure to make sure I am there. That I am celebrating a precious baby. That I am making an effort to celebrate someone’s new promotion at work. That I take the time to plan a surprise birthday party for a friend.

And finally, I have been thinking so much on how as a woman I show up to my self-care. How I show up in role modeling to people. And how to stop apologizing for being.

As a woman, the world tells us to be confident and go without make up and exude our natural beauty! Then, part of the world is telling us to LOOK PUT TOGETHER! As anyone comfortable in their own narrative, we know whichever you choose, both are great. If either make you feel confident, show up in that.

These days, I show up however the $(%^ I want to show up. It’s my self-care and I will show up in whatever attire and energy I choose to. I will show up in my womanhood in however I feel like that day.

And I will let the words flow from my mouth in whatever sequence, vulgarity, or grace that it may.

This is NOT an excuse to be disrespectful, to bring bad energy to a room, or to be irresponsible. It is permission to myself to create authentic space and be in that space with others who allow me to be.

It’s also permission to some times work late because in some regards that is my self-care/role modeling. By taking care of something I’ve worked so hard to maintain. And other days, it means re-scheduling meetings or allowing others to run my ish' so I can celebrate a friend’s birthday on a MONDAY.

Whatever the type of self-care, it’s not always on the weekends or in the evenings. It’s any time I choose it to be if I listen to my body/soul and what they actually need.

And whatever role modeling I am exuding - I want it to be transparent. I can still have a lot figured out and it is ok to admit I have even more to figure out than I thought. AND THEN SHARING THAT with others. And being real.

And not always answering “I’m good” when someone asks how I am doing. But also not over sharing with people who aren’t interested in how I am doing – Because they’re only interested in the information I can share so they can share with others.

I’ve been evolving in both of these practices.

And today, I showed up in all of my beloved womanhood, as is, with no apologies to follow.

FUN

Sunday, November 5, 2017


FUN.
Social media is funny.
I post the lively, fun, usually out and about moments.

But in reality, I work a nurse's hours.
The majority of my days are spent 12+ hours working with little to no breaks and usually rushing and overlapped events until I come home.

And if I let it….

That's what my life becomes. 

To do lists, frantically running around, getting things done, sending emails, scheduling and hosting meetings...becoming a tapped out person with an underwhelmed soul.

SO. With that said…it sounds simple...but I just wanted to add FUN in my life. 

I know, so simple right?...But I live in extremes. I am either having the time of my life or I am so buckled down I forget that I have a life outside of my career(s).

So, I bought a pink glittered notebook with blank pages and no lines. 

And every day, I color out my day. 

My art and handwriting are not cute, at all by the way.

And surprisingly it still has been my favorite daily ritual.
Adding fun was inspired by yet again, Present over Perfect.

Before handing off the book Present Over Perfect to a friend, I re-read some of the chapters I highlighted, and this "candy throwing" page resonated with why I decided to add some no lines, overly dramatic glittery notebook fun into my daily ritual.

Because I want to throw candy...and not just at designated candy throwing times:

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