Dating Younger Men

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Precursor: This is written from a hetero/gender normative viewpoint which is my life narrative, but I do believe it is applicable to all folks.

This post has been in my notebook for some time. It’s no secret on my home team that I date younger. I’m not talking 1-2 years younger. I’m talking about 4-6 years younger….and at one point this year 7 years younger.

And when you live in a society constructed with social norms that as a woman your love life is dictated by your biological clock, which at times means ideally dating older or the same can be a little stressful.

And I will admit that today and in recent times when I’ve dated guys 5 years younger than me, I’ve often caught myself saying… “But he is SO young” “I look SO much older than him” “What if people think I’m his big sister...or his MOM”...Oh it’s bad.

Insecurities run rampant. But the truth is, I do look older, because I am older...and I am learning to be ok with that.

Because you can be a 40 year old man dating a 25 year old woman and no one bats an eye. But when you’re a woman older than 25 dating a younger man...people have all the opinions in the world.

Call it being a cougar. Call it robbing the cradle. Call it whatever you’d like. But dating younger, I’ve had much healthier relationships than dating men my own age or older. This isn’t ALWAYS the case, but this has been my personal and general experience.

So, I compiled the main reasons I’ve enjoyed dating younger the last few years:

I have a youthful energy and heart...and it is easier to make a younger guy have mature moments and conversations than it is to have an older guy set in his ways view my energy as who I am rather than not being "mature" or "serious" enough.

They respect my world doesn’t revolve around them. That I have my own life, my own friends, my own bank account, my own goals. He is part of my life, but not the center of it.

They don’t find any of the above as competition, or feel inferior or feel "less of a man"...

Younger guys brag to their friends about me, but not only in physical terms, most often it has been about, "She is so great at xyz"...and it is so refreshing to hear they're proud of me rather than intimidated.

They typically haven’t lost their soul on the corporate climb or their ethics to the dollar sign.

They also want to go stargazing with me at 1am...and yes, they also still have jobs to be at by 8am.

And they also want to stay in and drink wine and maybe later hit the bars with our friends.

Most are still less jaded about life. They offer a fresh perspective into my own life. They also make sure I am taking care of my whole self and prioritizing my needs after taking care of others. I’ve actually found me being less of a “mother figure” like people think it would be like when dating younger men...and I’ve been viewed as more of an equal partner.

And just because they're younger doesn’t mean they aren’t ready to “settle down” or not be committed or be a Dad some day….Actually most of the younger men I’ve dated want ALL of those things.

I find that many of the stereotypes of dating younger men...aren’t true, and something I’ve really learned is that age doesn’t mean much...but character does. You can be 33 or 23, but that doesn’t determine if you’re a good significant other or will treat your partner with care and love.

So...this post was probably more for me today than others, but accepting that I like, date, and some times just prefer dating younger.

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