Self-Forgetting by Katie Koho
Thursday, January 4, 2018 • addiction, alcohol, alcoholic, bay area, blog, Blog project 2018, blogging, career, education, family, life lessons, love, miracles, recovery, Relationships, san francisco, women empowerment, writing
I wanted to introduce my first ever guest contributor Katie Koho. You can read about my 2018 blog collaboration HERE. If you'd like to collaborate, please email me at info@jaymealexis.com. Katie and I crossed paths as colleagues at San Francisco State University. She has taught me more about myself, exuding light to others, and reminding me to bring humor to the work place. Becoming friends with her this year was one of my 2017 highlights. Read her story about alcohol recovery:
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Katie was raised for 18 years at the base of a dormant volcano, Mount Shasta, and moved to San Francisco in 2009 to attend San Francisco State University. She completed her B.A. in Psychology, and is now in pursuit of her M.A. in Adult Education through SFSU's Equity, Leadership Studies, and Instructional Technologies program. When Katie isn't working (holler, SF State ResLife) or attending her night classes, she enjoys nature walking at a non-incline and attending various support groups in the Bay Area. |
I was very young when I first heard the word ‘alcoholic.’ When my parents decided to have children, they also had the very serious discussion of whether or not to include their children in their recovery meetings. They ultimately realized that it would be in our best interest, long-term, to expose us to the not-so-pretty-bits of human life, because they wanted us to learn empathy.
“What
is an alcoholic?” I remember asking
my mom. She was a social worker and an
educator, and she understood the importance of answering a child’s question
about a sensitive topic.
“An
alcoholic is a person who has a disease of the feelings.” She went on to clarify that they were
empathetic people who had never been taught to intrinsically self-soothe or to
set boundaries. Sometimes quickly,
sometimes slowly, these people transformed from people dependent on a substance
to heroes who had learned to alter their habits by helping their fellows. I continued to go to meetings with my mom
until I was in third grade.
Taking
care of a family when you’re in fourth grade is no easy feat, but I assumed my
role as my mom’s caretaker, my dad’s business organizer and helper, and my
sister’s stand-in mother. When I left that
household at the age of 18, I had only known alcohol as a destructive force
that made messes of peoples’ lives and robbed them of their mental sanity… and
anyone, myself included, would be smart to stay away. This worked for a bit with the help of being
a Resident Assistant, where role modeling correct behavior permitted me a valid
excuse to not go too HAM at parties, although, I’ll admit, there were two
nights where I voided that rule.
I allowed myself to experience my first drunk 9 days before my 21st birthday. But there were still things to do, people to take care of, and people to impress. In 2013, I graduated with a B.A. in Psychology (I see you fellow first generation college students), my sister was supporting herself and being a successful bada** at Sonoma State University, and I no longer had 60+ residents. Yeah, why not afford myself some experimentation? I fell into a deep, self-medicating, and harrowing depression. At that time, I fueled my troubles and withdrew from people. I remember very clearly one night drinking a whole bottle of champagne by myself in my tiny, San Francisco room and convincing my roommate to drive me all the way to Santa Rosa to see my sister. Sitting on the swings in the rain with my best friend (extremely drunk) at 3:00am, while my roommate was in my sister’s house doing homework and awaiting our leave, I knew I was an alcoholic.
“Do
you think I’m an alcoholic?” I asked her.
“That’s
for you to decide,” She replied.
It
took me up until July 2, 2017 to walk myself to a meeting, where I am
celebrated for being a wreck and am loved up by fellow women who share an
identity with me. They loved me until I
could love myself (corny and cliché as hell, I know).
Where
I’m at today because I place my recovery first: I attend at least three
meetings a week; they are my first priority and I cherish them. Today is my six-month birthday. It is not my first birthday in sobriety, but
it is the birthday I am claiming today.
I have gained a higher power of my own understanding, as well as a
community of people who, like myself, alter their habits by helping their
fellows. I have learned humility,
forgiveness, and acceptance. For anyone
trying to find the courage to go to battle with one of your addictions… you’ve
got this. You are loved; you deserve
healing; and your recovery matters.
You
might be sitting there thinking, heck no,
Katie, I’ve done a lot of shitty things… nothing is going to absolve me now,
but as someone once said to me, “No matter how far down the scale we have gone,
we will see how our experience can benefit others.”
Katie
Koho
Email:
katiekoho@gmail.com
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/katiekoho
Instagram:
@KatieKoho
2017 Highlight Reel
Wednesday, January 3, 2018 • 2017, american pageants, career, family, fashion design, fashion show, love, Miss America, Miss California, miss covina, pageant, pageantry, pageants, reflection, Relationships, reunions
It was a year of reunions, sacred traditions, and internally focused. 2017 was about staying, rooted, rituals, and the adventure of consistency and steadiness. It was the year I needed; stay with me for my 2017 highlight reel...
Jayme Alexis LLC: After working for a talent agency for 10 years, my mentors encouraged me to do my own thing. To not work based off commission and to go referral only. It's been a bumpy road, but I have made fewer, but stronger connections in my side hustle that I hope one day could be a full-time hustle.
Former client's Spring 2017 collection that was headed for NY Fashion Week |
Miss Covina 2017 court |
Canvas Small Group Crew |
When your first set of students become your real friends...scary I know... |
Lands end with my forced best friends (cousins) |
My wonderful Momma who has now been 1.5 years cancer free! |
Class of 2007 |
Half my home team at the 4th of July Rodeo! Katie (College), Becky (Pageants), Caitlin (High School) |
Fall Training 2017! |
Night out on the town. PC: J. Gomez |
2017-2018 Tower Patch Kids |
2016-2017 Area Coordinator Squad! |
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2016-2017 Tower Rangers |
1 concert per year tradition w. Hive: I met Alex & Sondra (We missed Alli!) in my first professional job at Cal State Monterey Bay. They were like my big siblings and each year we go to 1 concert - Ingrid Michaelson (3 times), Jason Aldean, & Luke Bryan. I was so happy we carried on our tradition and kept it classy with wine in a canteen.
American Pageant Nationals: I have been affiliated with Miss Teen of America and its sister programs since 1998, but it was a full circle to become keynote and Judges Chair for this year's national program in Orlando. I also got to see my friend Cara Mund, current Miss America!
Miss America - Cara Mund |
Judging Panel for American Pageants |
2018 American Pageant National Titleholders |
San Francisco night life:...I'd be lying if I didn't mention this year was wild...and one day when I'm 50 and can actually publicly speak about all the things that went down...I'll post it. It will make my future children very uncomfortable and I cannot wait. But to put it tamely, I enjoyed all the nights out partying in San Francisco this year that led to some....laugh until I cry stories...and also stories I cringe when I hear them being told by my friends.
Hip Hop Party August 2017 |
Village/Towers Reunion |
Blog Collaboration 2018!
Tuesday, January 2, 2018 • Blog project 2018, blogging, career, community, friendships, identity development, inspiration, life, Relationships, spirituality, writing
I write because it's therapy. Because I enjoy stories and narratives in well-documented form.
I write because I am adopted...and there is a part of my history where that documentation is missing.
A part of me that I will never know.
So, I write. I write my thoughts, feelings, to do lists, dreams, things that piss me off.
I write about anything and everything.
I post though...for myself and for a person to resonate. I post because growing up I wish people talked about things that are honest and raw.
I'm not here to read cliche phrases and sayings that are band-aid statements:
I'll pray for you!
Everything happens for a reason!
Pull yourself by your boot straps!
It will get better!
Everything happens for a reason!
Pull yourself by your boot straps!
It will get better!
Just be positive!
Go after your dreams!
Go after your dreams!
Hard work pays off!
All with well meaning intentions...but some times doesn't get to the root of what I am searching for.
So I like to post from my lens. What it means to be a woman who is partner-less and child-less and the beauty and pain of this life. I like to post about my love life and how I should have learned about empowering my sexuality through school, church, family, friends....all the places that formed my opinions about my own body and who it belongs to - aka ME.
I like to post about purpose, reality, relationships, current issues, and anything that is considered difficult to talk about. The subjects we avoid. The ones we feel we need to be in edit mode...and why are we so scared about going unedited?
And writing has taught me..
Who empowers me
Who I listen to
What I care about
What I am good at
What uh...are not my talents...
What uh...are my areas of growth....there are many....insert awkward giggle
But writing for me is therapy, a platform of empowerment, and a way to communicate.
So, I encourage anyone that wants to blog or write publicly that they figure out why they want to write and who are they are writing for.
And then stop giving a &%@#.
So in 2018, I decided that each month I want to collaborate with a friend / colleague and post their written narrative. If you are interested in collaborating, please email me at info@jaymealexis.com. We already have February and March covered and I am looking to post 1-2 folks per month.
2018 is the year of the update and upgrade for me...and after blogging for 5 years, it's time for an upgrade. An upgrade in community, in expansion, and in collaboration.
So in 2018, I decided that each month I want to collaborate with a friend / colleague and post their written narrative. If you are interested in collaborating, please email me at info@jaymealexis.com. We already have February and March covered and I am looking to post 1-2 folks per month.
2018 is the year of the update and upgrade for me...and after blogging for 5 years, it's time for an upgrade. An upgrade in community, in expansion, and in collaboration.
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