Narcissist dating

Monday, October 2, 2017

...After years of working at a talent agency and then going rogue, former clients and I talk more than just about their industry. We talk about their love lives...and it has been an interesting result of the tough love conversations I've had after noticing certain themes around professional or collegiate athletes, musicians, or anything that gives you instant access to people who flock to you due to your social capital or income.

....And after my own experiences as well as watching this cycle from both ends of the spectrum in my professional and personal life, I am at the bottom of my patience bucket. Most people will say, "you write so raw" or "you're the realest"....Well, it is about to get very real.

I share this for those who are the 'fame' people and also for those of you who chase the 'famers'....Because I want to point out how vicious this cycle is. Obviously, not everyone is like this and there are plenty of exceptions.

To my 'fame' folks:

All my former clients now friends and vice versa, this was their #1 criteria in looking for a partner: All wanted a partner who was Independent.

This one made me laugh...Every 'fame' person said this...but in reality, they still did not understand why an independent partner didn't just end up at their doorstep.

Reality check.


Independent people are not waiting for you to text or call them. They are busy with what is called a LIFE. With real friends....and a real role in the world...and guess what? THEY DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR TOUR SCHEDULE, YOUR PHOTO SHOOT, OR YOUR GAME AT LEVI STADIUM.

Independent people already have their own thing going on. It doesn't matter if they have less money than you. Have a "smaller" status in their career if they have one at all. Independent people care the kind of person you are. You'll have to EARN their trust. They won't follow blindly.

If you lead with your status and occupation, YOU ARE LOOKING FOR FANS. For admirers. For followers, likes, and shares.


To my folks who are labeled as buckle bunnies, jersey chasers, groupies, and the ones that run after the emotionally unavailable tortured artist....

Reality check,

Stop being that person to feed their inflated popularity.

You're not doing yourself or them a favor.

They only like what you can do for them - give them their 15 minutes of extended fame. Once you have done this for them, they see little to no value in their lives.

So, if it is not a real and deep connection...cut your losses that never was a loss in the first place.

People obsessed with their own self-brand and 'fame' are constantly branding themselves, exhibit 0 empathy, and only prioritize themselves and their wants/needs over their families, friends, and humanity.

Does this sound like something you can live with forever? I would hope not.


On the real.


26: Take more risks, Do what makes me more happy & holy

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

2015 has been a gem. Turning 26 in March hasn't been so bad either. I haven't blogged in awhile, but a sweet friend and my first and former boss from graduate school just started one with her husband. You can read their story here: Life as a famiLee

Her writing has inspired me to start somewhere again, and I've decided to talk about 26. With a great friend passing in April, I've been thinking of the good memories I've had with him, including this past winter getting stranded in Denver and he came over to entertain me until my flight...laughing as I type this. I also think about what I loved about him and how I can help his legacy.

I decided like several of his family and friends, the best way to keep his legacy is to live like him. In his 23 years of life, he lived more than most people do with 80 years.

So, this is how I plan to Live Like Jannik:
  • Take risks and experience more firsts
  • Do more of what makes me happy & holy
  • "No rules"...I will get to that one later ;)
May's Living Like Jannik...

How I took risks or experienced more firsts 
- I started volunteering at my Church to connect new people into our congregation. I typically like more personal roles in Church like a small group leader or a Sunday School Teacher, but this is good re-energizer for me. Trying a new role, mixin' it up :)
- I cut off a friendship that was toxic to me and it has almost been a month. I feel myself healing every day and it's liberating.
- I inherited a lovely pet named Olive!

What I did that made me happy 
- I took my staff to a San Francisco Giants game! I loved getting to experience the beautiful game of baseball with them.
- Met my baby nephew for the first time.
What I tried to encourage myself to be more "Holy" 
- I started reading about my Christian Faith more devoutly and praying more intentionally for others. Asking people specifically what I can pray for them, even if it was awkward to ask because I didn't know them well.

....Now, the only rebel at heart, but external rule follower in me can't completely embrace Jannik's "no rules" life philosophy, but it has encouraged me to live life the way I want to, not the way I should.
This photo has been used at several memorial services and captures exactly who he is.
Cheers bud, 26 is for you!

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