The Art of Feeling Sexy

Sunday, June 3, 2018

Taylor has been part of my life since she was a Resident Advisor (RA) at California State University at Monterey Bay in my first year as a Community Director back in 2013. I love the fun, creativity, and her ability to make anything a fashion statement that Taylor brings to this world. Read for what she has to say about feelin' yourself!

Taylor was born in a small Bay Area city in 1994, and moved to Monterey in 2012 to pursue a degree in Business Administration from CSU Monterey Bay. She graduated in the fall of 2016 and lived in Monterey until January 2018, where she then moved back to the Bay Area. In her free time she enjoys tackling DIY projects, blogging (sometimes), and reading corny romance novels.
From a very young age, I realized my body was different. As girls grew vertically, I was growing horizontally. My body was taken over by stretch marks, and cellulite dimples; I became overweight, unable to eat junk food without feeling judged, and overall I was unhappy. I was so obsessed with looking like a model in a magazine, an actress, or even just looking like a normal girl in my high school that it was a chore everyday to get dressed in the morning. When we would change in the locker rooms before and after gym class, I wanted to hide and be invisible. When we had to do swimming for school, I wanted to curl into a ball and disappear. It was bad enough that boys had to see me in a hideous bathing suit with a shirt on top to cover any rolls, but then I had to get butt naked in the locker room. I tried dieting, exercising, Weight Watchers, calorie counting, and a million other things that just didn’t work for me. It wasn’t until part way through college when I realized I was stuck with the body I had until I got up enough drive to change it. I started experimenting with my clothing choices in the past year or so and haven’t felt this good about my body in a long time.


That’s not to say I overcame my body image issues. To be quite honest, I don’t believe that will ever be the case. And it’s not that I think I’m ugly, but I have never considered myself to be anything more than cute or pretty. The words hot and sexy just don’t come to mind when I see myself, but I wanted that to change. Back in December I asked a close, talented, friend of mine how comfortable he would be taking boudoir inspired photos of me and he agreed. For those of you who don’t know, in photographyboudoir refers to a style in which women pose for photographs partially clothed or in lingerie (see here for a BuzzFeed video). This was probably the most nerve-wracking thing I had ever done. As the days got closer to the shoot, I became more and more nervous and insecure, but I wasn’t going to back out. I bought actual lingerie like a grown ass woman and fortunately enough there was a no return policy. But I knew this was something I needed to do for myself, so I did, and the results are pretty epic if I do say so myself.   

Photographer friend Daniel Duddy (Instagram: @dan_duddy_)

But, my reaction to these photos weren’t as I expected at first. I was appreciative of my friend but I felt slightly embarrassed to look at them. All I could see were my flaws: the stretch marks I hate, the rolls I try to hide, and the dimples in my fat. It wasn’t until I showed some of the photos to a few close friends that they started to grow on me. I started to see parts of myself I always thought were ugly, as beautiful. My stretch marks have been with me for as long as I can remember, they’re a part of me. When I see my body I can’t picture it without them, or without the rolls of fat I have. They are what make me who I am and who I’ve become. I’m sexy because of them, and because of my growing confidence. To anyone who struggles with seeing their body as sexy, or feeling confident about it, you should do something that makes you stare at your body in a different light. That’s not to say you should go get naked in front of a camera, but do something that makes you feel good. Get dressed up in your favorite outfit, go out, and be around people who love you for you. You can feel confident without changing your appearance. Accept it and embrace it for all its differences because you’re worth it. 
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