Be your own negotiator

Thursday, June 30, 2016

People comment that I am busy. I always say, no my life is full. You can read why I say full instead of busy: BUSY IS A SICKNESS. A mentor told me we are constantly negotiating. We negotiate our relationships, goals, priorities, values, and so forth.

And because I love to say yes to TOO many things because I love so many people and projects, I have to negotiate my year, ahead of time.

Last week, some of my friends and I sat on Google plus at midnight my time and did some early life negotiation brainstorming. So, hopefully this is helpful for you too and chances are if you're still reading, it is because you need to negotiate.

I won't go into what I'm dreaming up for this next year, but I will show you how I negotiated this past year.

Home team:
WHO is your home team/tribe/squad? What relationships take precedent this year?
It sounds gross to write down your most important relationships, but for me, it's a visual of who I should be intentional about reaching out to. Every person's home team is different. I tend to have about 8-12 people on my home team. Some years I've had 4 and some I'd have closer to 20.

These are short (3 mos to 5 years) and long term goals (5 years and beyond). Finances. Family. Career. Etc. They should be measurable or it should have a feeling associated to the goal like success, respect, joy, freedom, etc.

DAILY, what is important to you? These are little things you do every day to work yourself up to the big picture.
A goal of mine was that I pray every day. So, I make room every single day to pray and write down prayers of family and friends. Sounds simple, but I stick to it because at the end of the year, I want to feel I have had a fruitful prayer life centered around those I care about!
Your priorities, if done consistently will achieve your goals. Both long term and short term.

FOCUSES ON ENERGY AND PRESENCE. How do you see yourself living your life? Are you focused? Carefree? Loving?
This past year, it was important I lived my year in peace despite needing some "quick" answers to some of my bigger life questions.

Skydiving. Zip lining. So many concerts each year. Farmers markets. These are less occurring experiences, maybe 1-2 turns into a hobby. But these are experiences because they will give you thrills. If you plan to make these experiences regular, they won't be thrills to you. They are a hobby.

Once you've finished editing your list, it's time to start adding these into your calendar. Maybe you are go with the flow. I think I'm both, I love to plan ahead, but knowing everything doesn't work out the way it is suppose to. But for me, what is the point in negotiating what's important to you and not following through? So, get organized, schedule things in advance that can be.

...this is A LOT of information. So, I pick a few to focus on and if I happen to work on all the others, great. If not, I won't beat myself up. Granted, I am still working on this as I WANT TO DO EVERYTHING.

So, hopefully this is helpful for you. This list doesn't happen in one hour at a coffee shop or out in nature. This takes awhile to craft and will evolve throughout the year.

So, start somewhere and stay consistent with it. Life is never perfect because people aren't. So, start negotiating the life you want and everything else will fall into place even if it's not the place you expect it to.

Harmonizing goal setting and being present

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Achieve by August 2016
I've always been an avid goal setter. I can't tell you how many goal lists I have - short term, long term, a travel bucket list, and a yearly priorities list just to name a few. I basically take a life inventory of myself. It's okay if you rolled your eyes, I did too.

In the last year and a half or so, my goal was to learn to be present. I've always admired those who could be so consistently present. Whether it be conversation or quality time, they're just there 100% of the time.

I've been more of a 60/40. 60% mentally present and 40% planning ahead or wandering elsewhere. I noticed how it was affecting my relationships and completely feeding into my already awful perfectionist habits.

So, I've in a way, taken a break from goals. I've just lived, breathed, and pretended to be spontaneous and I can't tell you how freeing that's felt. Even through photos, my face looks more peaceful and joyful than it did a few years ago.
Goal Setting in Big Sur
However, I'm bad with just about everything. If I'm focused in on something, I can leap from one end to the other. So, I've recently been thinking, when was the last time I set personal goals? Ones outside my job?.......Yeah.......

So, I opened a notebook that I had written 20 goals to achieve in  20 years as I did a 10 goals to achieve in 10 years - and I achieved all, but 1! After crossing some off, I decided to add a few more to make it 20 again.

It boils down to this for me, there has to be a happy medium of wanting to achieve the most for myself every single moment and being present to enjoy what I've achieved and learn from what I haven't. Maybe one day I won't be so hard on myself, but I'm human and it's in my nature to want to be better and to do more.

CopyRight © | Theme Designed By Hello Manhattan