Esme Reyes-Brunner

Sunday, April 19, 2020


Maybe it's the COVID time, the extra thinking time, the vivid dreams, and conversations with friends who have been through similar experiences this week, but I didn't plan to post this for awhile because honestly...I am still processing and don't always want to talk about it - obviously, but this week, I was informed that it is National Infertility Awareness week...and a friend suggested to maybe just rip the bandaid off...because that can cultivate healing..and she always reminds me, we write for ourselves, but we post for 1 person to resonate and maybe start their journey.

So, I've always had an intuition from God - being able to read others and when something isn't right - MY GUT GOES OFF. I always know God talks to me through my intuition.

In the late Summer, during the busiest time of the academic year...I could sense my body was tired....And not just the normal beginning of a school year tired...My body just felt off and I started to bleed, but not the typical period blood. I scheduled an appointment with a Doctor just to be safe the very next day.

Glad I listened to my instincts because I had learned I was experiencing an ectopic pregnancy...I just remember almost blacking out when she was telling me...Everything was a blur...

Afterwards, I didn't even know how to process with Aaron - at the time our Doctor wasn't bilingual and explaining what an ectopic pregnancy was in English was already difficult. Being in absolute shock and then having to get a shot for this, I kept thinking - WHY DID I FAIL? What's wrong with me?! This isn't real...This can't happen to me..."I do everything with my all!"...Yeah...this opened up all kinds of internal wounds.

I felt so desperate and just not in control, I would take every pregnancy test until it came back negative - Because after your body registers, you test positive every time for awhile. I thought once I get a negative test back, this feeling I have will just be gone.

Well, I got my negative pregnancy test back mos later, and it didn't empty any feelings from my system, it FLOODED them. But by then, I had a Doctor that also oversees Aaron and he was able to grieve with me...life was going to look different from here on out, together.

Like every time I bleed, it's going to give me a little PTSD.

Every baby announcement was going to sting. We are thrilled for our loved ones, but it was also a painful reminder of what we wouldn't have in 2020.

And then the rabbit hole of, What if I can't ever successfully carry a baby to term? What if I can never meet someone who is biological to me? My birth Dad is dead - I had learned in January of 2018 in my birth family search. I don't know about my birth Mom or birth siblings. So my potential future kids - Is all I have left to ever really meet someone biological to me, and what if I cannot even have them? I speak miracles into existence over What If's, but on a bad day, I can stay a little too long in the What If's.

And then having to deal with people saying the most well meaning things, but doesn't quite hit right in grief...like..."Everything happens for a reason!" "Babies come after marriage! That's the right way!" "You're adopted, you can just adopt!" "You are 30, this happens in older women!" "Not meant to be!" "Many women have been through this, you'll be fine!"... Again well meaning sayings, just hard to hear when you are grieving.

And now? So many months later - considering we might have to postpone our October Wedding due to COVID19, and after having to cancel my birthday, our USA ceremony, and my Easter Sacrament of Initiation into the Catholic Church...It's just one thing after the next...and I look for silver linings & I am grateful to be working & have health insurance & food in the fridge...But at some point, every person has a breaking point.

Besides praying at night when I am thinking the most, Aaron's consistency in showing up, guidance from professionals, & a few friends that really understood what I was going through - The most useful coping mechanism for us was giving our loss a name.

Right before the holidays, we had taken some advice from a couple that said they named their baby when she miscarried. It gave the baby some personalization and it was like an open personal line of communication to heaven. I liked that idea...and after some thinking, Aaron and I had finally chosen Esme.

Esme. Meaning emerald. Emerald is the birthstone of May.

Perfect fit for what would have been the birth of our Esme in May.

So when I think of Esme, it gives me comfort knowing my Grandparents are cooking and playing games with Esme, and that some of my friends who left this life too early are telling Esme embarrassing stories about me....and Esme is probably playing with their other cousins who also went to heaven the same way they did.

I don't doubt that God's plan for my life is bigger and better than what could have been. And...it also doesn't make what Aaron and I experienced - a loss of life, any less painful, it just gives me peace when I need it most.

I didn't know how much I wanted to be a Mother until I was almost one. I also know though, when timing and biology are in sync, I will have the best co-pilot in parenting. There is no better teammate than Aaron. That man loves, doesn't judge, and always reminds me God is in charge.

Writing has always been my best art. It's always been the healthiest outlet that I can do by myself, but I also have felt I've been in writing purgatory for awhile, and this was the most free conversation I've had with my journal in some time. It feels so good to feel like I am having the first real conversation on ink to paper this year. I didn't realize how much this experience blocked me from my usually most favorite outlet to remember, articulate, and document life - Writing.

I posted on my blog NOT for sympathy, pity, or for you to feel sorry for me. I can't stand none of that, ew please, just don't feel bad for us.

Like many people who have written about this very topic - We know we aren't the first or the last person to experience this. I hope that this can resonate for someone, make someone feel less alone, and even if our stories were different - Grief is grief...and I hope for the best in where you land in your journey. I also hope for people who say well meaning things, to be mindful in how your cause is not your effect and your intent isn't your impact. This goes for me too. I am the worst perpetrator of that, and I have a long ways to go in how I ask people, "If they are having babies"...I have a few mortifying stories in how I meant well, but that wasn't the impact.

So whether it's a miscarriage, infertility struggles, ectopic pregnancies, loss of life by other circumstances, the struggles of trying to financially afford adoption / the time it takes, I see you, my village sees you, God sees you. I hope you see what you need and take care of yourself 💗.

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After permission from the blogger, I am posting some posts of fertility struggles or miscarriages that I hope you can resonate with as well and their different ways of coping. 3 women I respect and admire. This is just a few of the dozens of women I know that share this experience and ways they've coped.

My cousin's miscarriage(s) and her narrative can be found on: An American Girl in Canada 

My friend and her husband's infertility struggles can be found on: Bethsaida Productions

My former supervisor/friend, and her narrative can be found on: Life as a Lee

Celebrating before tying the Knot

Thursday, March 26, 2020


Our USA June Ceremony if permitted to have 

I'd like to think I'm big on celebration. I love to celebrate peoples accomplishments, love, birthdays, and so on. And I always love(d) throwing parties for major events and as you know, planning other people's parties, and hosting people in my home. I love filling peoples stomachs, hearts, and asking questions and hearing peoples reflections.

But this year, celebrating has looked different for me, specifically around my upcoming marriage to Aaron. For timing and financial reasons, the traditional festivities of an engagement party, bachelorette party, bridal shower, and Wedding dress shopping weren't a reality for me, my Mom, and my 14 home team members in 6 timezones and all over the globe.

This has been the least traditional process that I know of in my circle, and unless you live in Mexico, can speak Spanish without people knowing you are American, and can withdraw money from the bank there - no one could really help except Aaron's fam. Which for my family and friends who have mostly a type A personality, this was challenging - Because they are helpers, doers, and get things done type of humans, and so their ability to really help me was pretty limited.

But if there is anything I've grown more into - it's my values. I've lived in them, wrestled with them, and tried my best to live them out through this Pre-wedding process and also in preparation for an upcoming transition. And here is what that journey has looked like...

I tried to honor our traditions. With each friend group I have certain traditions, whether it's our annual 3rd of July reunion with my best friend from College, High School, or Pageants where we go to the rodeo, the cowboy bar, and eat at the Stadium for those steak tips!

I kept breakfast at the Belle Inn with my 2 cousins before we departed from South Dakota. Met up with some childhood friends at my high school friend's parents house to catch up - We used to do Christmas exchanges there for 10+ years! And even if one of my friend's kids liked Aaron more than me, little C, I won't hold that against you when you know better ;)

I was also mindful in trying to spend alone time with my home team. I understand that when you hangout with someone you don't always want to be with their partner too. That is the same for Aaron, I try and make sure to just let him have family, brother, and friend time without me. I think it's healthy - and so by honoring traditions, I also tried to honor my individual connections with my friends. 

More than usual, I also made more travel or hosting plans. I invited more people to visit Pre-Covid19, and I also booked more plane tickets to see others. Because as much as it is a celebration of a new life chapter, I've definitely been pre-grieving for the loss of my singleness, the ability to just go, roam, and be - So in that, this year, I've celebrated by doing trips my friends and I have always talked about, well, minus Italy as it doesn't really seem like the place to go right now #COVID19. Because the most time I'll ever have is right now in my pre-children chapter.

Our engagement photos were done by former RA's / students turned friends and we used that time to also hang out and catch up. Aaron and I didn't want to get caught up in just planning a wedding, but we also wanted to be able to be productive and use that time wisely as quality time.

And I never thought I'd be so grateful for technology, but I have been utilizing group chat for big moments! For example, I ended up buying my Wedding dress from someone - Something I also never expected. I didn't get my picturesque store, "She said yes to the dress", but I did get a moment to share with my loved ones and Wedding party that I had found my dress and it's so similar to the one I'd been pinning on my Pinterest board! I also got to share the veil my Mom wore at her own wedding that I will also wear to walk down that Cathedral aisle.

Technology has made it easy for my friends to add Aaron to Pokemon go, or to get a peak into our day to day lives via Stories on Instagram. Either way, been so grateful that even if we can't share a meal, a drink, and a good conversation, we've been able to connect my favorite humans to my person in alternative ways.

And with COVID19, our June USA Ceremony may be cancelled. And I really empathize with couples who have to post pone their Wedding. But yesterday, I decided to get out our Papel de Picado Banderitas (The colorful flags in the photo) and hang them in the living room with Aaron. I may not get to hang these outside in June, but I decided to bring the party indoors for the time being! I'm looking for any moment that may be hindered, lost or post-poned, and bring it to the present.

This year, this journey of being a bride far away from her parents and home team, is nothing like I expected. I may not have gotten the engagement party at my parent's house, the bridal shower in Spearfish Park (Near my hometown), the backyard wedding on my parent's land overlooking the rolling green hills, or the wild bachelorette party that I had pictured in my mind as a young 20 something...

But I did get to keep my friendship traditions. I got to cheers with my Pendleton whiskey at the rodeo, eat chicken fried steak with my cousins at our favorite breakfast spot. I got to celebrate birthday after birthday with friends who met Aaron for the first time. I spent my year sending snail mail, doing video catch up's, hosting, and racking up my Skymiles and my Jeep mileage to see those I loved...Instead of shots at the bar, we had shots at a 3 year old's birthday party, and maybe I didn't get all these gifts to use for later, but I did get the gift of presence, something I value so deeply.

I love that my journey is mine to live, and my pre-wedding celebration is no exception.

31 Laps Around the Sun

Tuesday, March 10, 2020

2020's first post, on my 31st Birthday.

As much as I love when people call me passionate or fearless, or someone that will use their voice - Letting you in on a secret, I actually haven't felt like any of those this year. It's been harder to find my voice in this new season of life. For me, my voice usually comes out in writing. Writing has always been my art, because God knows I am not an artist in the sense of drawing, music, crafting, etc. It's just been recently where I've put thoughts to ink and paper again. And writing my first post on my birthday, I wanted to share my love for this lap around the sun.

This year, like every year, I really owned more of my own narrative (Because do we ever really own all of it?). For its painful parts and the parts that make me happy to be me.

I adore that I grew up in a 174 person town in rural South Dakota on a family farm. I love that my work ethic stems from my family and home state - We finish what we start, and our hard work is our resume. This really set up the rest of my narrative to be strong and gutsy. I wasn't raised by weak people...and in many ways, it's what caused the careers, friends, love, and God that I pursue.

In this lap around the sun, just like most laps, I've embraced the label of breaking stereotypes. I enjoy when people tell me, "I am full of surprises", or that "They never would have guessed I did pageants or know how to shoot a gun or that I like fishing".

I consider it a compliment, when someone can't figure me out. People can't put me in a box, and I live for it. Because I hope people realize pre-labeling people doesn't leave room for humanity or for connection.

I love that I've picked up and moved several times. People wonder why I have 12 bridesmaids and no maid of honor, but it's the price you pay for living in so many places and creating a life with people in those places. If I call you my friend or my home team, it's because I consider you chosen family. I just can't rank my friends because who I am and who I was with certain people at certain times isn't more or less important than the other.

I have learned to enjoy that I do not follow the norm just because someone told me it was normal. Last week, I fixed a couch for a resident, I recruited judges for a pageant company on my lunch break while editing a resume for a graduate student, and then I was working on contingency planning for COVID19 for my department, while also planning a Wedding in another country, coordinating our USA ceremony, and in this week I also was going to Rite of Election as I become Catholic, and when I got home talked to a client in my side hustle about their athletic scholarship and their injury. Nothing about my life has ever been normal. And I love that. I am really happy that I am me.

I am still learning how much power comes from owning your own story...And not living for the expectations of others - Because it's really, really difficult to not do the second, like I said, I am still learning.

Recently, I've had to put up strict boundaries with people. It's my least favorite thing to do. I'm either great or awful at it, and I think a boundary that naturally most people create is one with your parents.

I did the typical 20's thing. My parents considered it my rebellion. But now, my parents are my best advice givers and listeners, and still give me tough love....Because Midwest parents are going to let you know when you are being a fool.

Each birthday, I look forward to the birthday card they send me. Each one makes me cry and laugh because they pick out the perfect card that has half sarcasm and half heart felt. But this year's card was just heart felt and came at the right time.

Both of my parents have always encouraged me to choose my life - Even if they don't agree with all of my decisions (Because believe me, they don't, ask my Momma!). But they also know I will not be happy choosing the life they have in their heads for me. I remember my Mom told me a few years ago when I was living on my own in Monterey Bay, CA and she said, "I just accepted that you may never move back home...that where you go is just where you want to be". And she didn't say it in sadness, but more of an acceptance of who I am is who she is proud to have raised.

I love that the card they sent was a reminder of their unconditional love for me. Because in a year, where I feel like there are 100000 million opinions about my new life chapter, it was a nice reminder that I am not doing too bad in life. She reminded me that it's okay to be me. To be on my path...and wherever I land, they'll love me.

My 31 laps around the sun has made me even more grateful for the narrative that I've gotten to own more of, and grateful for the 2 people who helped create it...I love you Mom & Dad.









Anew

Sunday, December 15, 2019

Reading my final 2018 post from a year ago (LINK) - made me laugh out loud. I was writing from such a space of quiet, solitude, calmness, no stress. Life was chill, and as I said "I am leaving room for the unexpected". Whatever God had for me, I was going to welcome it. I actually posted it 1 day after my first date with my Fiance.

So that room I created in 2018 was really filled to the brim this year...with things and people that made me experience a part of myself that I didn't know existed or a part of me that I used very little of. What 2019 taught me was to be grateful for when God answers my prayers....Because my prayers more or less looked like this - a lot of the unexpected.

I met Aaron in 2018 technically, but we started 2019 with our 3rd date and solidifying our relationship to bring in a brand new year.

In February, I loved getting to visit my bestie in Alaska for her 30th birthday!

I found rhythm at work. I was also promoted from Manager to Director thanks to my supportive supervisor.

This year I inherited 2 roommates - one future brother in law in January and another in October. I also got to meet my future sister in law too who is helping us coordinate for the Wedding.

My niece also lived with us for 6 weeks this Summer. My brother and his fam came to visit in August - I haven't lived at home for 12 years, and this was the first time he came to visit me, I really loved getting to hang with my brother as an adult.

I so happily got to officiate a friend's wedding - We've been friends for 19 years and met at Church camp.

I met my Fiance's Madrina, Tia, Tio, Primas, Sobrina, and Grandparents.

I went to Toronto, Canada for a conference and was reunited with old friends and I got to explore a new city, by myself - Oh how I value quiet time these days.

Made a 16 hour road trip to South Dakota so my Fiance could meet my family and so I could partake in my hometeam's annual 3rd of July reunion. We got to shoot firework, goto the rodeo, ride the four wheeler, and enjoy the best season in my home state. I can smell the yellow clover when I look at photos!

We got to explore Vancouver, Canada, twice, and my Fiance got to meet my cousin living there. We grew up on the farm together!

We had 41 visitors total since I've lived here - All whom we loved, adored, and made so many memories with. We cooked, we belly laughed, we toured Seattle. We love hosting people, and making people feel at home.

I am half way through my conversion into Catholicism and got to experience the Rite of Welcome in December.

I also started to learn basic Spanish.

2019 was also filled with a lot of the hard stuff - illness, medical concerns, racism (interracial relationship, culture shock (adjusting to difference in cultural norms), learning to let go, dealing with people who feel entitled to my life, adjusting friendships and our normalcy with my new normal...it's been a year full of heartache too. But it's what made the other memories so healing, and so sweet.

Each passing year, I grow more comfortable and confident in where my values are. Who I love, who I respect. What I do and what I don't do. What I am not willing to say yes to if it wrecks my peace, and when to 100% say yes, I'll do that with a joyful heart.

For 2020, I chose to focus on the word Anew. I chose Anew because although my heart is the same; my roles and priorities have had to evolve. In 2020, I will be starting year 3 at DigiPen. I will have been with American Pageants Inc. for 22 years. I am getting married to my person. I will become officially Catholic, I will be further learning Spanish.

My life, in many ways feels different from the inside out, but my values, my hometeam, all the things that keep me grounded and blessed are still the same.

This season - Anew - is about rebirth of my self - Spiritually, physically, emotionally, and relationally. It terries me with how many changes have happened, and on the other hand, the adrenaline has completely fed my lust for adventure. Old me would be job searching and looking for my next city to move to. This me, Washington me, is looking at what can I do right in front of me. What does it look like to love fully the life given to me here, even when so many things were unexpected - Good unexpected and tearfully, unexpected too.

My old roomie and friend - We had a day to do vision boards. 2020 - My inspiration for what's to come!





Widening the Margins

Thursday, September 26, 2019

My last season of life, I was choosing margin. 

Choosing to have few connections, few responsibilities, so that my heart could feel at peace. So I wasn't over working. Or over performing. Or over doing everything. I wrote about it HERE in February.

But after every quiet season - usually comes the season of what you've been preparing for.

And I have felt that in every minute of the day. It's the season I am in now. AND IT IS SO FULL I MISS HAVING A BORING LIFE. It’s a cycle, inhale and exhale years…and I swear they alternate every other year.

This Summer meant widening the margins back in my life. Opening the curtain, getting back to reality from my soul/mind/heart vacation. 

And LOL…Actually nervous laughing…

It's been an adjustment, and that adjustment came into full effect this Summer. Starting off with officiating a friend's wedding who I met at Church Camp from 2000, getting to room with my other friend from camp who I also met 19 years ago, and then getting to meet Aaron's sweet relatives in Southern California on this same trip.



I finally got to go to a new city – Toronto, for a conference and it was one of the most diverse cities I’ve ever visited. My heart felt so full there, and maybe my stomach too ;)

Because this year has been so different for me, not familiar, completely new territory, that I am glad I got to keep some sacred traditions like going back to South Dakota for the 4th of July. There is nothing like the 4th in small town South Dakota. Rodeo, fireworks, bar life, carnival, four wheeling, gravel roads, starry skies...it’s everything a Summer has always been to me. Aaron got to meet my parents, my family, and friends I’ve had since grade school.

We were also lucky this year to have my niece come back and live with us for a month! Living away from my family, the worst part is being a long distance Aunt. So, having her come with us for an entire month made me so happy, and we finished Summer with my brother, his wife, and kids visiting…the first time in 12 years that my brother came to visit me where I lived – Ike, I know you love me :D


Then, came August…Notoriously known in higher ed / Housing that I don’t exist until SEPT. DigiPen has been such a blessing in multiple ways, but I appreciate working there because of the students and people. I also feel heard and advocated for. Enough so that I was promoted.

I feel like I am typing a Holiday Card recapping my year, but I am just reiterating that if life seems slow, quiet, and forcing you to calm down…Maybe you should listen to it. Normally, I’d ignore it. I’d busy my life up so much to the point I’d be exhausted before I got started.

Now? I am so happy I listened to my gut for the first time, and took the calm season to actually relax. It helped regulate my pace for this season of busy and full. I arrived in WA last year, unsure if I made the right move, sad from a break up, never thought I’d be a Mom or a Wife because I was so over relationships and people, didn’t want to take any risks, or talk ever again to anyone….and a year later….this is where I am.

Planning a wedding in Mexico, learning Spanish to speak with my Significant Other’s family, converting to Catholicism, making new connections, and y’all…even keeping some plants alive!


Even though I’ve widened the margins, and allowed life to surprise me - I couldn’t widen the margins without choosing margin first. I am content that I took my unsure season as a time to train, rest, and believe whatever I’m training for, was to widen the margins of life – to gain what I’d been praying and throwing out to the universe. I hope if you are in that season, you do too. It’s not easy living in a culture where we are told to do MORE, be MORE, learn MORE, MORE MORE MORE. And just step back and say no, this is what I need and this is what I don’t need. To prepare intentionally, to break unproductive habits, and bad cycles.


Converting to Catholicism

Thursday, August 8, 2019


A trip to Mexico City to Our Lady Guadalupe in April 2018

Oh my Lord, help me, guide me, why am I such a mess hahaha?

Has been a quick prayer to God in the last 7 mos of my life. I knew early on of dating Aaron, that at some point we would need to talk about our same views of God and faith, but different ways in which we practice, what I refer to as religion.

Aaron is Catholic and I am Christian, and although in the way I was raised, I was taught we are both Christian, but Aaron belongs to a denomination of Christianity. He was taught that Catholicism is its own religion.

But this isn't the place to debate that.

We already have so many beautiful, but definitely differences - country of origin, language, cultural norms, flour vs corn tortillas - you know, the important stuff! The last thing we need going into marriage with the plan to have kids one day is to be different in practice of how we love God, aka our religion.

It boiled down to the fact that it was easier for me to convert to Catholicism in the sense that being a non-denominational Christian, I have more fluidity in how I practice. But Aaron does not, and I don't think that's a bad thing at all. I think it gives me an opportunity to grow and learn through study, practice, and connection.

I am openly sharing this because I get so many opinions, probably 3-4 messages a day and maybe a phone call a week about all the different opinions of Aaron's and my race, nationality, citizenship, age difference, and all the other things people seem to be experts in our relationship. Also, stop asking me if he is an American citizen; he is a dual citizen of the USA and Mexico, and it's none of your business. Let's not forget that I am the naturalized citizen, NOT born on this soil due to my adoption. I also get "you're so happy", "you're glowing", "you're so in love"...all of which are very true, but all of it has come like anything, with compromise, negotiating, identity forming and reforming...and everything else that goes into both an intercultural and interracial marriage.

So many people I know struggle with these, and I am so grateful they've reached out to me, I have felt less alone in this journey than the beginning.

We discussed at length of what we do agree on in terms of our different religious practices:
We pray to the same God.
We love people and believe and try as much as we can to practice the same scripture, from the same Bible.
We love our faith in God and what God has planned for our life.
We believe in the communion, baptism, and belonging.

So, becoming Catholic, will not change how much I love people. How much I value scripture/literature/devotions/journaling/praying and so forth in my roots as a non denominational Christian. It will not change the way I see the importance of Church in my life or in my future family's life.

If anything, it just enhances it. Academically and socially, I've always aligned with Jesuit values. I believe in assisting those in need, and I believe Jesus would want us to take care of those around us. I believe in heaven and hell...and guess what? Becoming Catholic doesn't change my beliefs in any of that.

Will it change the type of Sunday service I experience? Yes. Will it teach me about rituals, steadiness, and more structured learning? Yes. Will it give me the opportunity to understand the history Jesus has on this earth more? Yes.

I will never understand that in a stereotypical Christian world, Catholicism isn't deemed as "real Christianity", and I do not understand in a stereotypical Catholic world, that Christians are deemed as "Not real believers of Christ".

Me, and others, and probably people you know are living proof that we are tired of this vs them. If we are all of God, our denominations serve God, and speak, teach, and practice love because of God...you think when we get to heaven, God is going to care if I stay non-denominational or Catholic? ...

I believe God is so big that God doesn't put limits on how people worship, but has given people ideas in how to organize it so people can connect to it in modern time. I have found God in a multitude of ways, and it never had a denomination of Christianity tied to it.

Whether it was in college attending mass with a best friend and she would come to Sunday service with me later or post college and I'd attend another mass with another best friend and she would come to church with me later...it was just proof that our Sunday services and day to day practices are different - but our hearts, intent, and love for our Lord was the same.

I am so excited to start my journey here soon. Love may be a motivator for why I am converting, but anyone that truly knows me, my free spirit, and my extreme hard headedness, I don't do anything I don't want to do. No one is forcing me to do anything.

I am choosing to learn. I am choosing to be open for what God has for me. I am choosing to stay true to my values while understanding that a marriage is more than just my free spirit and liberty.

What an honor to live in a country where I can pursue a religion, the freedom to marry someone of a different race and culture, and freedom to marry for love and not for convenience or security.

Cathedral of Aguascalientes - Where we hope to get married!



Engagement Photos: Alki Beach

Monday, August 5, 2019

Aaron and I took our engagement photos this past July with my friend Melissa – Melissa Herold Photography + Design Studio. Melissa was a former student for me who has turned into such a good friend. She has worked for places like Lemonbug, lived abroad, and is an avid traveler. She understands moments and curating happiness. She was the best person to do an engagement shoot with for several reasons – She knew us, knew we weren’t the photoshoot type. But she created moments that made us look like we knew how to hit poses. She also made sure that we had a mix of traditional engagement photos and ones that were authentically us.

Things Aaron and I love to do – Eat, explore parks and nature such as the water, skyline views, and spontaneity. This was very true for our photoshoot with my niece, Gordo (Future brother in law), and my friend V in tow. We were laughing the entire time. We love hosting people and touring them around our city. So the first stop being Alki Beach in West Seattle was such an ideal place. It was gorgeous out that day, and we were able to walk along the coast, breathe in some ocean air, and make a fake engagement where people legit thought we were getting engaged and of course, me being embarrassed, had to yell - I AM ALREADY ENGAGED IT'S JUST FOR PHOTOS. Sweet, I know.

But what makes Alki so special and some of our other photos later on is that one day back in March, Aaron and I had a bad day…just one thing after the next kept piling up, and it became so much that we didn’t get to do anything fun like we had planned. So, as we were headed back to his place in South Seattle, all of a sudden we were on a road that was not familiar. I asked where we were going, and he said it was a surprise. Apparently he told his brother, Gordo, that he promised me an adventure that day, so he was going to keep that promise, even if it was 8pm. A couple hours later, we explored some of the most beautiful view point’s Seattle has to offer of the skyline. We ended up going to Alki at night to walk along the sidewalk and see the bright city lights shimmer on the waterfront. 

Enjoy our first set along the coast! 

Contact Melissa HERE.

Thoughts on being engaged

Sunday, May 5, 2019


Thoughts on being engaged...
I knew for me, committing to someone long term meant giving up some of my free time. To be able to make decisions for myself. To move, go, and be free without having to consider another person. Not that my roaming days are over, I just have more to consider.

So being engaged has caused several thoughts and feelings I wish I heard more about. Other than, "We are so excited!" "Can't wait to marry my best friend!"...I agree whole heartedly with all of these phrases, but I also wanted to post what's been in my journal for other people who maybe took a similar life journey to me - that it may also be normal to be having these thoughts and feelings.

So here it goes...

There is so much out there that tells us we aren't "complete" without a love interest. Which I find to be 100% NOT true, even with someone who I hope to love forever. At this point in my life journey, I know I'd be fine being single and I'd be fine with someone. I love A, he is my person, I don't want to do life without him, but I know I could. Because when your life is whole without someone, you know you actually want to be with them, because you don't necessarily "need" them. That if you build your life - socially, financially, professionally, personally...you have more to give to your life partner. I know that is a privileged statement, not every person has the opportunity to do so...but I am extremely grateful for my family and mentors who have sacrificed and contributed to my development in understanding the difference.

Other perks of focusing on your own life before someone enters it, is that outside opinions matter less, and these days, it seems like weddings are for everyone else except the people getting married. Having time to focus on myself first, also allowed me to experience many life milestones without someone in a positive way, but I'd say being engaged, this is the area that has affected me the most - the change of my identity. Thankfully in Mexican culture & as a bride, I actually keep my last name. So, I was really excited that I didn't even have to have that conversation with A, he already expected that my last name would stay the same.

And I didn't / don't have doubts about my fiance, but I had sadness of the thought of re shaping an identity that I have held so closely for so many years. Most of my home team would describe me as goal oriented, will do anything for my home team, and someone who pursues what I want. Not that I can't and will stop doing any of those, but bringing another person into my life re shapes how I connect to these parts of my identity. Yes, it is growth. Yes, your partner can be supportive and help you achieve and be all of these things, but it's still major change, and a change that you're doing WITH someone.

AND...what I am about to say next made me feel a little heartless, even though I am so overwhelmed with love and appreciation for my fiance. As a society, I think we over celebrate engagements / weddings....honestly...going through some life milestones solo, you know what else has been very fulfilling and life changing? Graduating, investing my time, money, and talent into people & projects, starting a business, getting out of a toxic relationship, my first job, making new friends in a city I just moved to, learning a new hobby or skill, making it through counseling....and MANY other things. So just because I am engaged and it is a major milestone, I also think we could clap a little louder for other life moments that get overlooked.

I wrote this choppily from my journal. Because unlike my fiance who is spontaneous, goes off the cuff, flows with what's next, I have a hard time not being calculated. Like let's eat at 5:35pm, laugh at 6pm, blink at 6:05pm, and let's make sure to dot all the i's, like every single one of them, like they better not look like L's. So, I wanted to take a page from my fiance's book, and be real from day 1 about this whole process.

I love A, he is one of the best thing's that's ever happened to my existence, but I also wanted to put out there that there is something worth celebrating at every mile stone...and there is also more to congratulate at every milestone.

Intercultural Relationships

Monday, April 8, 2019

A: “Linda”...
Me: WRONG GIRL..My name is JAYME (Thinking did he really just call me the wrong name, we've been dating for a week)
A: “I was calling you pretty...Linda in spanish is pretty, cute, etc”

A: “Haina” (Pronounced Hi-nah)
Me:...DID YOU JUST CALL ME A HYENA (Thinking of  The Lion King hyenas)
A: “Haina is Spanish street slang for babe”....

This is just a glimpse of an intercultural relationship with a slight language barrier, we laugh about it now. I’ve been in many interracial relationships, relationships with socioeconomic differences, and maybe slight intercultural differences, but not to the magnitude that my person, A and I are currently in.

A is first gen Mexican, and I am a Korean that grew up in South Dakota with a White family. We were bound to have quite a few differences. There are the days when our language barrier, social norms, gender norms, Christianity & Catholicism, and about everything catches up to us. I remember we had a weekend where we were snowed in days in a row where it seemed like every cultural difference from beginning to end was popping up, including food. We couldn’t even agree on what type of food we could both make that was something in both of our households growing up.

Except pancakes. If anyone ever asks the “Waffles or Pancakes” question to me, pancakes have always been my pick. While A grew up with La Leche dripping off his pancakes and he learned to make them from his beloved Abuelita (Grandma). So that snowy weekend, Pancakes was the food item that made us feel less of a worlds difference, and it also allowed us to shop at either grocery store - because we definitely do not shop at the same grocery places...which that could be its own separate post!

So, we have made pancakes a weekend ritual. Saturday or Sunday you can hear the pancakes on the fryer, or when we don’t know what to eat, or can’t agree, pancakes come in for the win.

I still know/think/feel I have SO much to learn about the world. 30 isn’t a magic number into adulthood where I think I’ve entered this - been there, done that mindset - I hope I never feel like that. There are so many things I haven’t done, so many goals, dreams, and life skills that are still waiting for me to discover. I never thought I’d learn to dance Nortenos, or make tacos that don’t look like taco bell, or learn conversational Spanish and actually understand it. And I definitely never thought pancakes could bridge cultures and solve disagreements, but apparently, the theme of 2019 is, I am still learning :)



Choosing Margin

Sunday, February 17, 2019

Made it to Alaska to see the Bestie celebrate her 30th and to cross it off my list! 8 USA states left to visit!

"Outside of my career, I only love xyz"...this was such a common phrase for me for so long. For years, I kept saying I could only love a few things outside of my career, because my career took the biggest space in my life for so long. I hid behind it, like most ambitious (and insecure/haven't dealt with their ish) people do. As many (not all) are too scared to see if we could be good at anything else. That we could be capable of having lives that we do not feel we need to work to deserve.

Let me tell you, this is the season I've been needing for years, but finally chose to take. 2019 is a year of Rest, Roots, and Progress, and I have been practicing since December. At first it felt weird. Numerous times a week, I would tell home team member and roommate - "I feel so off...I want to rush and do 1,000 things to feel 'normal'"....and she would say, it's the shock to your system of leaving a career of stress, emotional emergencies, and high risks behind...Welcome to life, enjoy it.

And it's true. Nobody is going to force you to rest. No one is going to force you to stop valuing your humanity and self through money and achievement.

It's been such a humbling year, and now that I have 7 months of hindsight of what I was doing to my body, my brain, my heart, my relationships...I can't imagine going back to a life where I am constantly running myself into the ground.

I went from having 0 weekends free for 4 months, to leaving weekends free on on purpose. For the first time in probably ever, I can hear and see things without worry of "Am I doing / being enough". I just know I am enough. I am good enough, doing enough, being enough. And my enough may be a different measure to someone else's enough...and that is 100% okay.

Over the years, my career took precedent over literally everything. I missed my brother's wedding. My nephew's birth. My friend's funeral...All for work...for work I don't even remember, for days I can't even get back.

And this year, I've cancelled workshop after workshop. Even removed myself from a keynote speaker list to officiate another friend's wedding in May. I've declined projects to go to concerts and to attend birthdays and welcome visitors to my home. I've made time for family and the few friends I've made in Seattle.

These days, I am choosing margin. Thank God for home team members that have been blessed with words. KD, thank you for giving my current life chapter a title. I'm choosing margin. Choosing simple. Choosing little. Choosing what I do intentionally, and what I just don't care about, and not feeling guilty about it. I even started telling people who call me in crisis mode that they can set up an appointment with me through my side hustle business. I charge people for emotional labor - I am not your counselor, the person to solve your own issues, and I am definitely not your idea generator because you're too lazy to do the work yourself.

This season, I've enjoyed long drives. Walks. Reading. Writing. Attempting to learn Spanish. My work, but not the point of obsession. I enjoy sleep and water. I love, or try to love the growing pains of my home team and what it means to connect with the people we are today, not the people we were 6 mos ago or even 16 years ago for some.

Because I was "too busy" in my career, my bestie from high school / college has lived in Alaska for 7 years, and I had not visited her once, even though she has visited me twice in California. For her birthday 2 weeks ago, I made it up there. To see her home, the people who make her feel at home, and to meet my nephew kitty. I know I won't forget that trip, but that's a different post for a year when our parents won't read this blog - HA!

I just am enjoying the slowness of life.

My aunt, my friends, my family...said it's the happiest they've ever seen me and the wisest I've ever been.

And even though I am about to turn into another chapter of "busy", it's comforting to know I have a baseline of when I am leaving the margins of what I have chosen for this season.

Slow, steady, and kind. Here is to have Chosen Margin & to keep choosing it.

Open Floor Plan

Thursday, December 27, 2018

San Francisco - Spring 2018

This morning, I looked at my half full closet and 80% occupied dresser...with much space for more stuff...but also feeling like I don't even need all the space I have. A sweet reminder of how much space I've created for the unexpected and how stuff really doesn't make me any happier.

2018 has been more than enough for me, and this is how it has shown up...

I am thriving in my own skin. I listen to my body, and I am learning to rest.

I am loving God and faith without constraints of what it should look like.

Writing. I've had so much time to write and blog, and co-blog with beloveds.

Continuing sacred's and rituals - cousin facetimes, bestie birthdays, 3rd of July reunions, pageants over Thanksgiving, 4th annual Giants game, and a yearly hello email to all my former student leaders and teams.

Co working dates, daily starbucks runs, and new happy hour spots.

Got to officiate my besties' wedding; Saw Drake in concert; Traveled to Mexico City.

Hosted 26 visitors between San Francisco and WA.

Walked through the streets of San Francisco after a rowdy rooftop bar night.

Went go carting on the gravel roads passing through my family's acres on a warm July evening.

Felt the worn out moving boxes holding my belongings that are mostly gifts and the art I feel connected to.

And with who I've become and what I've done, this is where it has left me into 2019;

I miss driving on the Bay bridge into San Francisco at night. The lights were bright enough to reflect off the water and warm enough to make me feel at home.

But the green and precipitation of the Seattle sound is enough to nourish my soul, and I know I'm blooming in a season of what feels like starting over, but really it's just a continuation.

Love really does exist.

I also learned what it meant to let go of someone you have love for because that's what that person really needs...and also hoping the absolute best for them.

I like my grey hairs and wrinkles around my eyes, and the stretch marks on my thighs. It shows a well lived body participating in the life in front of me.

My smile feels so real; My heart is a direct line to my smile.

Getting to see the fridge with my loved ones holiday cards on it - each one of them drenched in memories.

I like moons, flowers, reading books that I bought so long ago, but never had the capacity to indulge in. I love celebrating. I like cheering people on. I love all the things that make others feel good about themselves.

I'm operating this next chapter of life like an open floor plan.

My family is healthy, strong, and very happy. That's probably the highlight of this all.

Experiences over things.
Presence over presents.
Humanity over perfection.

& Turning 30 this year, and I feel like life is just getting started!

South Dakota - Summer 2018
Seattle - Winter 2018

20 Years with American Pageants

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

2019 National Titleholders - photo by My Heart's Desire

20 years.


Besides a few friendships, 20 years is the longest I’ve ever committed to anything in my life. 2 weeks ago I was at the 35th Anniversary of American Pageants, formerly known as Miss Teen of America.


My affiliation with the program was in 1998 when my Mom convinced me to be in this scholarship program called Little Miss of SD. From contestant to honor court member in the Teen division, I went on to choreograph, emcee, judge, direct at the state level, and then at some point recruited judges for our state, regional, and national pageant.


This program has been my consistent and familiar long after leaving my parents home, it’s the 1 thing I’ve taken with me on the journey of a dozen zip codes from South Dakota (minus my car, but even she was put to rest in November).


The program took a break with the transition of leadership and I won’t forget in April of 2016, getting a call from our President that she wanted me on the team. I had just quit a job I hated and moved to my dream city San Francisco while I shared a home with 4 other people. I was hustling as much as I could on the side and in my work as a Fashion Design Advisor to live in the most expensive city in America (We had just surpassed New York City - Manhattan). This offer was a piece of home that to me in a space I was just easing into.


It is easy to list off the reasons why I love this program. From recognizing all girls and women for their achievements, the lifelong friendships, teaching girls/women that we are not each other’s competition - that we are our biggest competition,  the life skills - interviewing, resumes, and personal development...all fundamentals that are evident everywhere in our pageant’s history and present. That’s just the shortlist.


But I think it’s more than what’s on our social media, it goes beyond how it prepared me for a college essay or a job interview, it's prepared me for womanhood:


I text our President a week after the pageant that if it weren’t for some of the advice I had gotten from her and the friends I’ve made in this program, I would have settled in my life - in every aspect. I think I would have taken the first good life that presented itself. But that first path was not meant for me at 18 when I graduated high school, at 22 when I moved to Los Angeles, or at 24 when I finished graduate school, or now at 29 - where I am just feeling like life is just getting started!


This pageant has kept my character accountable. It’s really easy to cut corners and to copy/paste what’s out there. It’s easy to not be original and to replicate what’s been done. I would have made very different life choices in college, in relationships, and in situations that I could have taken an easier path, and no one would have known. But that wouldn’t have been nearly as satisfying. On this same note, it also taught me to take RISKS. To explore, discover, to find what works for me. There are so many paths out there, that this pageant family no matter what decision I've made (even if they disagreed) has supported my journey of becoming.


Finally, this pageant taught me to CELEBRATE. We get so caught up in achievement, that achievement becomes the benchmark in all that we do. It’s why I’ve felt devastated after break ups, dissolving friendships, etc. Because I’ve been trained my entire life that achievement is what matters, and everything including things related to the human heart has a formula for winning…and obviously finding out that couldn’t be further from the truth. And by all means, achievement matters, it’s just not the only thing that matters. This pageant is a reminder to pause, and to recognize how far we’ve come...and that we can achieve, list out everything on a resume, and so forth, but what value is that if we can’t appreciate ourselves?

My trophies, plaques, tiaras, and sashes sit with dust at my parents house. But everything I’ve mentioned here are the most valued things someone can say about me - that I don't settle, my character matters, & that I celebrate the achievements of others and myself.


American Pageants & our AP fam, thank you for a decorated 20 years. I love the way you’ve shaped my womanhood in every possible way.

American Pageants, 2 years in a row has been named Top 10 Teen Pageant & Top 10 Best National Pageant by the Pageant Planet.

Death & Birth

Friday, November 30, 2018


While November started off as a total sham...Let me bullet thy ways.

  • Got into a car accident, had to buy a new car, got a $1200 tow, and a parking ticket
  • Grandpa died, bought last minute plane ticket to South Dakota for funeral (It was cheaper to fly to Ukraine)
  • Found out a friend got cancer and then their little brother died...in the same 24 hours
  • One of my best friend's dog died, who was her whole world
  • I had 3 rounds of meds to get rid of my 2 month Pneumonia...to finally get better before Thanksgiving, only to now be sick again and breathing through my mouth like a Jurassic Park dinosaur...you can make fun of me, I know I am

Am I ready for November to be over? Uh yes. But with death, and well, adulthood - I can say that my life is truthful, good, and exactly where I want it be. And frankly, although November was a sham, it could have been much worse. Death has manifested itself in many forms in this transition, but it's also birthed a life I had never anticipated. A life that's been a subtly sweet surprise.

Here are some of my reflections from November, a month of death & birth:

Love
I thought I loved X, but I loved the idea of X. I thought I loved Y, but I just had mad love for Y. I tell Z I love Z, but that love has had so few hours on earth that only time will tell if that love will last.

Church
I reconciled the ways of how I do Church & love God a long time ago. But today? Today, I love the way I do Church...in nature, in relationships, in solitude, in journaling and prayer. In long conversations with those of us who grew up in Church, but have later reclaimed our relationships with God in a very personal and deep way that only God can really understand.

Priorities
Unless you are my Home Team, Hustle(s), Spiritual Rhythms, & Rest, you matter, but you are not a priority in December.

Address Changes
This week, I finished changing all of my addresses from California to Washington. Erasing CA from my address has felt like changing my last name. Knowing the best is yet to come, but leaving a part of your identity in your past - is a sad & seems like a too soon goodbye.

Decision Making Committee
I don't make a big life decision without mentors, home team, and essentially my decision making committee. But lately, I've learned that some decisions are best decided alone in a quiet room. I am my first relationship and I'll be my last relationship, best to make decisions that's best for her.

People I Don't Deal With
Shauna Niequist's book, Bittersweet talks about making a list of THINGS I DONT DO...and as counter intuitive as that is, it also helps me re gain insight to my priorities. But this month, I also wrote out people I don't deal with, because I refuse to do others emotional or intellectual labor, and this is separate from empathy and grace. But reality is that some people are looking for layers of me that I shed a long, long time ago. 

Practicing Hospitality

Sunday, November 4, 2018


There have been many perks about living in a larger space, and with a roommate (Cher bear) who also values the practice of hospitality. I learned hospitality from my parents, specifically my Mother. She is the hostess that makes a full course meal, makes your bed with love, and greets you in the drive-way even in a blizzard. 

In a season of recovery and rest, Cher bear and I wanted to provide that same experience for our loved ones while visiting...and we absolutely love it. 

Whether it’s our mismatched towels freshly taken from the dryer, grabbing blankets that have many stories attached, late night airport runs, getting people’s favorite snacks, bringing home fresh flowers, the smell of brunch filling our home, or the excitement of writing WELCOME _____ on our white marbled marker board...we love exercising the practice of loving others and doing it well. 

Our Midwestern and Southern roots have felt so watered welcoming, by the end of next week our 20th visitor since July. Twenty people who we have gotten to fill our bellies with laughter with, exchange mutual love with, and created some new memories with.

Our home, truly is your home. 

My 7 year relationship with California

Saturday, September 15, 2018

The Castro District - San Francisco

This post is dedicated to one of my longest relationships, my 7 year love of my life, California.

I wrote a year ago about how when I moved to Southern California, I was 22, scared, cried when my parents left me - this small town girl from South Dakota. In many ways, I am still that same girl, and in about every obvious way, I have evolved into a woman I am also proud to be.

Southern California was all about re-exploring the ideas and values that I was taught, and if they really matched me. It was about Disneyland runs, receiving my Masters degree, doing all the tourist things - the beach, Santa Monica ferris wheel, wine country, big bear, dodgers/angels games, and establishing my CA pageant family. It was a beautiful life, but I ended up moving to California's Central Coast, Monterey Bay for my first job post grad school.

Monterey Bay gave me the career I needed to define the type of professional I'd be for years to come. It gave me friends who I am so lucky to be officiating their wedding next month, a home 2 miles from the beach, students who I talk with regularly, and an almost reality show gig...Monterey Bay was slow, steady, and sweet. It breathed clean air into my life that felt polluted with personal mental health, my mom's cancer, and my dad going blind. Monterey Bay brought me to almost whole and it gave me space and community that held me when everything I mentioned piled in the same year.

But, like in every story, there comes the part where you feel this is the reason the story exists.

It is so cheesy, but I now understand the song, I left my heart in San Francisco. After Monterey Bay, I was looking for a faster paced life - filled with creatives, night life, and being close to an international airport for ease of travel. So, I moved to San Francisco.

San Francisco was all about my liberation of what it meant to be a woman...and a woman of color, and the power and sacredness it holds in my dark locks and my brown sugared skin. The light and energy that pour from my dark mocha, and beautiful almond shaped eyes. I was surrounded for the first time, with like minded peers & students who were organized and I felt like the student instead of the educator for the first time in awhile.

Despite the dramatic comments from family members gossiping about how, "Liberal San Francisco is making me sin"...Still makes me laugh out loud...San Francisco also gave me a great sense of who God is, what my faith actually meant and how it was practiced. It's where I started my side business, it gave me my first live in boyfriend, the best birthday parties I've ever had, it gave me friends who I consider family, friends who know entirely too much about me. I also came out of a job with skills that prepared me to move up the ladder in my field.

San Francisco was everything I ever needed AND wanted.

I've lived in DOZENS of cities. I have made places that felt like home, but as a friend said, they thought San Francisco was etched as my forever home. And all of these experiences have now spit me into the sound of the Seattle area. 

Seattle has been the easiest transition I have ever had, but when people ask if I miss San Francisco...You have to understand, I am the only blood relative I know, so finding home has been a life journey, and so I am going to respond as if I am recovering from a heart break.

This is a good life, even though I left my heart in San Francisco, I think rooting my dreams to bloom in Seattle is also going to be its own adventure and love of my life in its own time.

29 & Navigating

Sunday, March 18, 2018


I turned 29 last week and had one of my favorite birthdays. A friend asked what I had reflected on this past year and any thoughts on 29.

Here are some reappearing topics, conversations, frustrations, truths, and sentiments I am navigating into 29.


Bay Area Birthday Party @ Sunset Brewery
My Wild SFSU/USF Fam @ My Tarot Bday Party
Monterey Bay Fam Bday @ the delicious Sur in Carmel

Womanhood is not 1 dimensional: This is almost a duh statement. But you'd be surprised the interesting things people say. As a person who has people from church, pageants, politics, career, many religions, and just anything else random in my life, I always get the, "You're different in different environments...Like you can be loud and wild, passionate and angry, joyful and sweet, positive and salty"...It's true. My energy changes, but my values don't.

Because I have EMOTIONS. Emotions as in PLURAL, and depending on the context, I will exercise whatever emotion that fits. But in a world where we are told, regulated, and shaped how to feel and think - Raw or multiple emotions seem "scary" according to a friend. Scary to who? You?...To someone who cannot live their own truth and scared by mine? I will never apologize for exercising my emotions, but I will apologize if my delivery and tact causes harm. Womanhood will never be 1 dimensional, so why should my emotions be?

Life Paths: I am a natural seeker. I formally studied college counseling and student development, but also grew up with a piece of my history closed (adoption). I love to ask questions, gather feedback, and make my own decisions. As I enter 29, if I don't own a house, have a spouse, and some kids, according to where I was raised - there is something "wrong" with me or I am not a real adult or I am not honoring "God's plan" for human life. But as a seeker, I have been gathering feedback from friends who have a spouse and kids, a spouse and no kids or who have kids & no spouse. And as I speculated, all of them gave different answers. Some were ecstatic, some were happy with a little regret, some just wished that they had waited or that it hadn't happened at all.

I have a list of goals, dreams, and experiences, and settling down is on it, but not today....or for tomorrow, or even through the end of 2018. Yes, wild, but I am very content and happy...and I don't have a 5 year plan, a spouse, a kid, or a desire to own a home with lots of space...right now. One day, yes. But time will certainly tell.

Romantic Love: I have known for some time that I needed someone independent, who has their own life, patient, loyal, and adventurous. A collection from both my desires and suggestions from my home team. I have learned I will never tell a man, "You're my everything"..."You are my better half" ...or say "They're the reason I live!"...First of all, my life was/is full before my boo came into my life. Secondly, I had a life I created worth living for before he was established into my daily routine...Doesn't mean I don't adore my boo. Doesn't mean I don't value him. But I know when I love my life, I have the ability to also love who he is and what he does and what our relationship holds.




Advice: A downside of being a seeker is that I seek advice from my home team maybe too frequently...and as I have learned over the years, but heading into 29 is that I have learned to journal more and blog less...that a private life really is a happy life...and that some advice is meant for me, and some that is meant for later or never meant for me at all...and it is my decision in how I apply or archive that advice. I have learned that as I evolve, my life looks nothing like I predicted and definitely nothing how people think it should be.

And at the end of the day, if I died, I could say for what I know and have lived, my life feels complete.



I have 1 year left in my contract at work, and I am going to enjoy living in the city I have planted some roots in.

I love the cultural blend of lifestyles the Bay Area represents. I value that I can walk down a street and hear multiple languages being spoken. I love seeing so many different races and ethnicities, places of worship, and varieties of foods.

I have a deep and wide type of community of people who I am living life with. I have a life that is fruitful, giving, loved, and known by who I want to be known by.

I am going to live my truth.

I am going to live by the God I love and pray to and the route(s) God has for me.

Welcome to Jayme at 29 - Multidimensional and emotion exercising, skipping into my own life path watering flowers, clearing out the garbage, and shining my light to all who want to receive it...and open enough to let all the good people, things, plans, and ideas that are meant to land into my path.
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