Blog Collaboration 2018!

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Photo by J. Gomez
I write for myself.

I write because it's therapy. Because I enjoy stories and narratives in well-documented form.

I write because I am adopted...and there is a part of my history where that documentation is missing.

A part of me that I will never know. 

So, I write. I write my thoughts, feelings, to do lists, dreams, things that piss me off. 

I write about anything and everything.

I post though...for myself and for a person to resonate. I post because growing up I wish people talked about things that are honest and raw. 

I'm not here to read cliche phrases and sayings that are band-aid statements: 
I'll pray for you!
Everything happens for a reason!
Pull yourself by your boot straps!
It will get better!
Just be positive!
Go after your dreams!
Hard work pays off!

All with well meaning intentions...but some times doesn't get to the root of what I am searching for.

So I like to post from my lens. What it means to be a woman who is partner-less and child-less and the beauty and pain of this life. I like to post about my love life and how I should have learned about empowering my sexuality through school, church, family, friends....all the places that formed my opinions about my own body and who it belongs to - aka ME.

I like to post about purpose, reality, relationships, current issues, and anything that is considered difficult to talk about. The subjects we avoid. The ones we feel we need to be in edit mode...and why are we so scared about going unedited? 

And writing has taught me..

Who empowers me
Who I listen to
What I care about
What I am good at
What uh...are not my talents...
What uh...are my areas of growth....there are many....insert awkward giggle

But writing for me is therapy, a platform of empowerment, and a way to communicate.

So, I encourage anyone that wants to blog or write publicly that they figure out why they want to write and who are they are writing for.

And then stop giving a &%@#.

So in 2018, I decided that each month I want to collaborate with a friend / colleague and post their written narrative. If you are interested in collaborating, please email me at info@jaymealexis.com. We already have February and March covered and I am looking to post 1-2 folks per month.

2018 is the year of the update and upgrade for me...and after blogging for 5 years, it's time for an upgrade. An upgrade in community, in expansion, and in collaboration.

This is not a phase

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Oakland's First Fridays Unity Wall
Note: This is not my view on the Church I attend, my Pastor, or the select people I've connected with on a real level. This is solely part of my journey of Christ, church, and my sense of belonging...and this post has been sitting in my inbox for almost 2 years.

10 years ago I sat in my parents living room and told them that I would respect their wishes to attend church until I was 18, then I wanted to seek my own relationship with God and explore my spiritual life.

You must know, as a Midwesterner who grew up in the Heartland, where there are more or equal amounts of churches than bars, this was not a popular sentiment.

But, I have always been a searcher...and searchers question, seek, and find. Which is exactly what I wanted to do with my faith in Christ.

Let me start off by saying, to me, God = very real to me. But this is about my struggles with how I experience and understand God and how others respond to my struggles within my spiritual life.

Organized religion, although important for so many of my loved ones who love Jesus, has always been difficult for me.

For me, I experience Christ in the small moments. While brushing my teeth saying my prayers for all the people I love. Or when I am driving in the car with a friend listening to music. Or in deep conversation about purpose, identity, and real life ish - that is when I feel closest to God.

And this is okay. This is what is so rich in my relationship with the Lord. This is what makes my spirit bright, my heart full, and my soul feel alive. But it took me a long time to get there...

Growing up I was the only public school kid while all the other kids went to the Christian church at our church. I was told that I'd likely be in prison as an adult because that is how public school kids ended up. As angry as I get from these hurtful moments, I know that God serves justice best.

In college, I was too liberal to belong to conservative church America. Apparently my belief that the church should love people in the Lesbian, Gay, BiSexual, Trans, Queer (LGBTQ+) community was too much for people to handle. I was vocal anyway, even though that value was also not popular...

And now? In adulthood, my thoughts are so different that it scares other Christians. Even though doubts, questions, and thinking shouldn't scare people...because my doubts don't invalidate someone else's belief in Christ...But unfortunately that has been my repeated experience.

Then, when I moved to California whether it be Southern, Central, or Northern, I wasn't hipster enough or I definitely didn't make enough money or have the right career to fall into the churches where I believed in their vision, their pastor, and a select group of people within those communities...but was considered not in the "cool" circle at church...

And honestly, it baffles me that in all my niches, I've always felt like I belonged to all my niches, but church?

I've never felt more like an outsider, an impostor.

And when history has a problem with repeating itself in my experiences, to me, church is a place that rewards those who fit in, even the churches that are considered not the social norm in the church world.

And if you know me, social norms aren't my thing. Endorsing systems that reward people for fitting the mold are also not my thing. If it was, I'd have a very different life.

I am not walking away from God, church, or from those who attend it, although many have walked away from me when I start to question organized religion.

And truthfully, I am accepting that is okay. Most of my friends who are Christian I never met in church anyway...

And no, this is not the case where I think there is something wrong with any church I go to, I am attending a great church and I've been to many solid churches. But I also can't deny my challenges to feel like I belong to any or one.


I am a searcher and I am a norm breaker.

This is not a phase. A decade is a long time to be in a phase.

CopyRight © | Theme Designed By Hello Manhattan