2016: Going After Everything I've Ever Wanted

Thursday, September 22, 2016

The Painted Ladies in San Francisco

That whole you are the books you read, the company you keep, the films you watch – so, very accurate. So, I am citing all the concepts it took to write this post. Because these are not just a bunch of words, these are themes that have evolved in time.


Two of my closest friends and I had just brought in the new year in historical Deadwood. As we were walking back to the pick-up, our boots clicking on the cobblestone, snow was quietly falling around us - I knew this year was going to be, interesting. But not in the cliché, new year, new me. Interesting in a way that I didn’t attempt to journal about any of my predictions for the year, let alone post about it.

And before this year is ending, the first 9 mos have been some of the most instructive months that have ever existed to me. I had been commenting that 2016 is the year I can’t pretend, but ultimately it  has been the year that I went after everything I’ve ever wanted.

This is a season where I felt everything I had been learning, deciding, figuring, adding, removing, have all have led up to a moment, and this is that exact moment:

My life IS congruent.

Congruent in values. Congruent in desires. Congruent spiritually. Congruent. All, encompassing, congruent.

Not in a perfect way, but in a way I can say, well done.

Starting off the year leaving a job I loved, in a place where I had community, with people who I cared deeply about, was NOT on my things to do 6 weeks into 2016.

Mission District in San Francisco

But in exchange for the present.

I live in a city I adore. I’m in jobs / a career I respect.

And not just jobs / a career, but the types of work and with schedules that fit my needs. (Big Magic)

I am surviving financially in the most expensive city in the U.S. (Yes, we cost more here in the Bay than Manhattan).

I went after the relationships I wanted.

I learned to accept the types love I wanted and removed the relationships that didn’t meet that love.

I went after God’s love, even though God gives it without me chasing it.

I have embraced the spiritual life I feel connected to.

I went after my own self love and care - This radical notion, that I am a human who deserves as much as I give to those / things around me…and refused to be run into the ground in the name of productivity, busyness, and “achievement”. (Present Over Perfect)

Sometimes this felt like removing leeches from my skin. But, so. Worth. It.

Rip relation-shits off like a band-aid my friends! (Post Male Syndrome Blog)

Pacifica, CA on Pacific Coast Highway 1

And it didn’t just happen, I chose it. But just because I chose it, doesn’t mean any of the above happened at the time I thought it should.

I even go after the products and things like jewelry that satisfy me.

And I don’t mean in the materialistic way. Although I’ve always had a sentimental strong hold with jewelry, I still emptied most of my jewelry box, only keeping significant pieces.

Having less materialistic options each day - which actually meant getting rid of the materials I saved for a “special” occasion…at this point in my life, what is a special occasion? (CEO Business Insider)

Every day is a special occasion. (Cold Tangerines)

Recent Trip to Chicago

This season has been about fighting for what I want in my life. Going after every piece, prayer, person, and thing that I’ve ever wanted. And yes, that comes with sacrifices. 

Maybe in the last 9 mos, I was less hospitable. Maybe it meant I listened to others lives less. Maybe it meant less of an impact than I’d normally like to make. Maybe this meant living with less people in my life. Less clutter. 9 mos out of the hopeful 75+ years I’ll live - I’d make those sacrifices again if I had to redo 2016.

I’ve never felt more healed. More myself. More relaxed.

And if I’m being real – this is the LEAST lonely I’ve ever felt.

I know this season isn’t forever. It’s temporary, with a short time stamp until I get back to what I know I’m meant to be doing in longer spurts.

Because goals change. Values evolve. Times move forward, and so will my life and how I see the congruence interwoven.

So 2016 - the year of going after everything, even if I turn up with nothing to physically show. 

To the girl with the adventurous heart

Saturday, September 17, 2016

I'm curious.

I ask questions.

I seek, explore, learn, absorb.

I want more.

I don't settle.

I move on.

I like adventure.

I say yes to what I want.

I say no to what's not necessary.

And some times I think all of this gets me in trouble, choosing to be elusive. 

Scared of commitment, roots, and the idea of staying.

Because I know the destruction that is possible.

To leave someone or something a wreck.

Not fulfilling promises, vows, and the word is my bond.

I can't help but be anything, but a girl with an adventurous heart;

Thrills fill my heart.
Experiences fill my soul.
Places fill my sense of belonging. 
A connection to life, so deep, physical feels spiritual. 

I am a girl with an adventurous heart.

How do I make friends as an 'adult'

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Muir Woods: August 2016

I was asked to do a presentation last week on how to make friends after college aka how to make friends as an ‘adult’.

If there is anything I have ever felt under qualified to do, this was it. I’m positive I’d have a better shot at the RIO Olympics, than this topic. Sadly, that comment isn't too dramatic, both options are equal in their result :p

Out of ALL the topics of conversation I have had, recent graduates always talk the most about making friends as an adult. This comes up more than love, job searching, fulfillment, and finances!

Here is the list I have been compiling from people ages 22-late 60’s on how / where to meet friends as an adult. 

Where: Top answers include..

  • Gym
  • Church
  • Meetup.com
  • Dating Apps
  • Work
  • Classes – painting, crafts, academic, etc.
  • Volunteer
  • Commuting 
  • Shopping
  • Concerts
  • Bars
  • Anywhere! Be surprised! By Chance!
After 2 ubers and lyfts, 1 to the wrong address, 1 that took 60 minutes to get across town, I finally arrived to meet my friend. It amazes me I am able to keep any friends.

How / Advice: You are no longer in environments that foster microwave friendships. College, Basketball team, youth group, just about anything in young adulthood, it is easy to make friends because you're forced to be around the same group of people for decades. Now you have to put in effort and make decisions, like the other big decisions in your life. Here were the main themes from those I had been gathering information from:

  • Be consistent in reaching out to others
  • Picking your friends in this stage is just as important if you were picking a spouse. So, don’t put up with liars, gossipers, or anyone that you’d never date. (That works the other way around too)
  • Schedule ahead your friend time
  • Set expectations. < - That was from an Educator ;)
  • Don't have unrealistic expectations
  • Don’t get discouraged if someone says no
  • New friends does not mean they will be like your best friends...it takes time
  • Don’t settle
  • If you can’t brag about who they are to others…you probably shouldn’t be friends with them
  • Everyone gets so busy doing their own thing you almost have to find something you both enjoy and is part of your lives to make it work in real life schedules
  • Find like-minded people
  • According to my friend of 16 years, you just start talking to people at coffee shops saying how you don't know anyone and need a friend
  • Don’t be afraid to ask people who intimate you to lunch
  • It's a lot like dating, you have to put yourself out there and let people know you love hanging out with them
  • You run the risk of wanting to be friends with someone who doesn't want to be friends back...and someone may want to be friends with you and you don't want to be friends with them
  • Be intentional
  • You connect when you're coming to terms with someone, same place in life, but you have to make it a point to actually hang out or spend time or you grow apart

This translates into every person is different. What works for one person, doesn't work for the other. You also have to factor in that our generation does not sit behind a desk most of the time. We are on the go, mobile, and traveling. Timing, income, and scheduling play into making friends. Not many of us have it actually figured out, at all.

-----My people------

I also wanted to include the lines I did NOT use in the presentation. These were really special….All from my home team…which quickly made me realize why we are all friends and the reason they were the LAST people I asked on how /where to meet friends as an adult…

“Oh girl. I don’t make friends”
“Ew, people”
“Why would you want to do that”
“hahahah you are asking the wrong person”
“I have my dog”
“I don’t”
"Go to things?"
“Do drugs and drink” <- I really can’t with that answer
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